How to Resist the Urge to Conform
By: Brian Kim - February 7, 2008
There’s generally a negative undertone and perception associated with the word conformity as it conjures up images of weak minded individuals being easily influenced and manipulated by those around them, but however negatively conformity is looked upon, it can be a good thing sometimes. It would be quite foolish if people didn’t choose to conform to the rules of the road for the sake of their own safety and for those around them.
But what is it about conformity that gives it such a bad name?
It’s because conforming is one of the easiest things to do, and more often than not, the easiest thing to do may not always be the right thing to do.
It’s the path of least resistance and most people naturally gravitate toward it and follow it with their thought pattern being: “Hey, everyone else is doing it so I might as well hop on board and not be left out and if it turns out they’re wrong, at least I’m not alone.”
Because most people follow the path of least resistance, it tends to attract and gather the majority, creating enough social power and influence in turn to create enormous pressure on others around them to conform to the group’s values, to the group’s beliefs, with the group acting like a black hole sucking in those around them.
Conformity is so powerful that even some conservative religions are abandoning some of their fundamental principles in favor of conforming to the more popular current trends and beliefs in the world today so as not to be left out.
When you choose not to conform to the status quo, that kind of action tends to make you, as well as those around you, very, very uneasy.
It makes you uneasy because you’re going against the group and because we have lived in a small tribal type society for most of human existence, going against the group meant dire consequences, consequences that affected your very survival.
In this global day and age, we don’t live in such a tight knit group so that stigma is not as bad, but it’s still there.
Others around you feel uneasy when you choose not to conform simply because their egos have been so invested in the group that your actions may very well make them feel offended and defensive about the choices they have made thus far. It’s naturally in their interest to bring you back to the group’s thinking for their own sake.
When you choose not to conform, you WILL find yourself on the outside. You’ll feel like an outcast, discouraged, alone, cut off from the group, with the feeling that those around you are just waiting, just waiting for you to fail so that they can feel justified in choosing to conform along with the rest of the group.
All this can be too much for some people, so they will decide to conform and live like the rest, wondering their whole lives looking back, what could’ve been.
So how to resist this powerful social urge to conform?
It’s first to examine the motive behind not conforming. If you’re not conforming just for the sake of not conforming, it’s a rather juvenile motive to have.
You need to be able to really justify it, to have an answer not to others but to yourself. You owe it to yourself should you choose to take this type of action. Why am I choosing to walk this different path? The stronger your justification, the easier it will be to weather the social storm you’re sure to encounter from those around you. If you have no concrete reasons of choosing not to conform, the next easiest thing for you to do will be to automatically defer to the group’s values and beliefs.
Second, you’re going to find yourself isolated very quickly so seek out those who share your views and stick with them for social and moral support. It may seem like you feel you’re the only one who thinks and feels a certain way regarding a certain issue, but rest assured you are not alone. A lot of the people you walk by and meet in everyday life may think and feel the same way but keep quiet out of fear of retaliation from the group but there are those who definitely think and feel like you. Find them, seek them out and stick to that group, and reduce ties around those outside of you who don’t share your views.
The third thing to do is to constantly test yourself to see if this is what you want, if this is right for you, to constantly justify the path to yourself. There may have been extenuating circumstances, powerful emotions that might have acted as a catalyst and clouded your thinking that got you in your current situation in the first place so it’s always wise to make sure as you go along that you’re doing what you truly want to be doing. Be brutally honest with yourself. Is this the path you want to walk? Why? What makes you so sure it’s the right one for you? The pressure to conform will always surround you due to the size of the group so it’s always wise to be able to counter that pressure from within.
When you do all this, you tend to find yourself surrounded in a very healthy and nourishing environment that can in turn help you give birth to something great, something that can even change history.
History has been made from those who have chosen not to go down the easy route which meant in most cases, choosing not to conform to the status quo because after all, it’s far easier to say yes to the group without thinking twice, than it is to really personally reflect on the issue at hand and have the courage to say no.
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One Response to “How to Resist the Urge to Conform”
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February 8th, 2008 at
[…] From Brian Kim’s “How to Resist the Urge to Conform“: Others around you feel uneasy when you choose not to conform simply because their egos have been so invested in the group that your actions may very well make them feel offended and defensive about the choices they have made thus far. It’s naturally in their interest to bring you back to the group’s thinking for their own sake. […]