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Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts

By: Brian Kim - October 2, 2007

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First off, there are those who are reading this who might not know which camp they fall into, the extrovert or the introvert. Chances are, the majority of those reading this will know, but for those who don’t, let’s define those two terms here very broadly.

Extroverts tend to be those who are more energized when around other people. They are the ones who will reach for the cell phone when alone for more than a minute, the ones who love to go out every weekend, the ones who love to chit chat, mingle, and socialize.

Introverts tend to be those who are more energized when alone with themselves. They are the ones who have to be dragged to parties, who are the first ones ready to leave after a short period of time, and who generally enjoy solitary activities such as reading, writing, and daydreaming.

The qualities and characteristics of introverts are often held in a negative light in today’s world, so it’s only natural that the majority of people seem to think that there’s something wrong with them. The reason why the majority of people think that there’s something wrong with introverts is because the majority of people aren’t very knowledgeable when it comes to introverts, in terms of why they are the way they are and why they do the things they do.

Many people tend to hold several potentially damaging misconceptions about introverts, but through no fault of their own.

I’ve been on both sides of the extrovert/introvert fence, and I can understand why extroverts tend to view introverts in a negative light, socially speaking, so I thought it would be best to write an article dedicated to helping extroverts understand their often very misunderstood introvert counterparts.

My hope is this article will help solve that problem by shedding some light as to why introverts are the way they are and do the things they do, so here are 5 things every extrovert should know about introverts.

1. If a person is introverted, it does NOT mean they are shy or anti-social.

This is probably THE biggest misconception that extroverts tend to have when it comes to introverts.

And you can’t really blame them for having that kind of misconception.

Extroverts tend to have to drag introverts to parties, to convince them to go and sell them on attending social engagements. When introverts politely decline, extroverts automatically assume that something might be wrong so they always ask if everything’s all right and of course, everything is all right. It’s just a common misunderstanding. When extroverts see a pattern like this developing, they automatically assume that introverts are shy or anti-social as that can be the only logical explanation to them. What’s more, when extroverts try to engage introverts in small talk, it seems like they hit a brick wall.

Add to that, most extroverts see that introverts tend to be fond of engaging in solitary activities such as reading, writing, and daydreaming.

Well, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it must be a duck right?

Wrong.

Introverts have more brain activity in their frontal lobes and when these areas are activated through solitary activity, introverts become energized through processes such as problem solving, introspection, and complex thinking.

Extroverts on the other hand tend to have more activity in the back of their brain, areas that deal with processing sensory information from the external world, so they tend to search for external stimuli in the form of interacting with other people and the outside world to energize them.

There’s a deeper science to this that involves differences in the levels of brain chemicals such as acetylcholine and dopamine in extroverts and introverts, but I won’t get into that.

The bottom line is that introverts are just wired differently than extroverts. There’s nothing “wrong” with them. They just become energized through different processes depending on where the majority of their brain activity takes place.

Granted there are introverts who may be shy and anti-social, but that’s just a coincidence that perpetuates the myth that ALL introverts are like that.

You’ll find that all introverts are fine just the way they are until people begin to subtly suggest otherwise.

2. Introverts tend to dislike small talk.

If you really want to engage an introvert in conversation, skip the small talk. Introverts tend to love deep conversations on subjects that interest them. They love to debate, go past the superficial and poke around the depths in people’s minds to see what’s really going on in there. Most, if not all introverts tend to regard small talk as a waste of time, unless it’s with someone new they just met.

This characteristic probably contributes to another misconception that extroverts have of introverts - the misconception that all introverts are arrogant.

Why?

Because extroverts notice that introverts don’t talk that much with other people. Therefore, extroverts assume that introverts think they’re too good to talk to others, hence arrogant and that’s hardly the case.

It’s just a matter of preference.

Extroverts thrive on small talk. Introverts abhor it.

There’s nothing wrong with either choice, it’s just a matter of preference.

This brings us to the third point.

3. Introverts do like to socialize – only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.

Yes, it’s true. Contrary to the majority of public opinion, introverts do like to socialize, but again, only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.

Introverts love anything that involves deep conversation. They get energized by discussing subjects that are important to them and they love see what and how other people think, to connect the dots, to dig deep, to find root causes, to use logical thinking via debate in conversation, etc.

And what’s more, introverts can do a lot of things extroverts are naturally good at - give great speeches, schmooze with everyone, be the life of the party, charm the socks off of total strangers - but only for a short period of time. After that, they need time for themselves which brings us to the fourth point.

4. Introverts need time alone to recharge.

Extroverts tend to think introverts have something against them as they constantly seem to refuse generous invites to social engagements. Introverts do appreciate the offers, but it’s just that they know it will take a lot of energy out of them if they pursue these social functions.

They need time alone like they need food and water. Give them their space. There’s nothing wrong with them. They’re not depressed and they’re not sad. They just need time alone to recharge their batteries.

5. Introverts are socially well adjusted.

Most introverts are well aware of all the social nuances, customs, and mannerisms when it comes to interacting with other people, but they simply don’t choose to socialize as much as extroverts, which makes it easy for extroverts to assume that introverts are not socially well adjusted, as they have not seen much evidence of them interacting with other people.

This just exacerbates previous misconceptions and gives way to labeling introverts as nerds, geeks, loners, etc.

It’s easy to understand why society tends to value extroverts over introverts. Human beings have lived in a tribal society so having to interact frequently with people came to be a regarded as a very good skill when it came to survival.

But because of this high value placed on extroversion, introverts tend to feel trapped and find themselves in a catch 22 situation.

Do introverts stay true to who they are and risk social alienation and isolation or do introverts conform and join the extroverted side, pretending to be somebody they’re not just to fit in?

This is precisely why I wrote this article, because if the extroverts can become more educated about introverts, introverts will be able to feel free to stay true to who they are, and that’s a good thing from society’s point of view.

Trying to “turn” an introverted person into an extroverted person is detrimental because it gives off a subtle suggestion that there is something wrong with them, hampering their self worth and esteem when there is absolutely nothing wrong in the first place.

There’s nothing wrong with introverts.

In fact, introverts are the leading pioneers of advancements in human civilization. Albert Einstein, Issac Newton, Charles Darwin are a few introverts that come to mind, just to name a few.

And for those of you not interested in science, but pop culture, you’ll be surprised to see a lot of well known names in Hollywood are introverts as well. Julia Roberts, Steven Spielberg, Christian Bale to name a few as well.

And for those interested in sports, Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods come to mind as athletes who are introverts as well.

Introverts have a lot to bring to the table. They have an amazing ability to discover new thoughts, an uncanny ability to focus, to concentrate, to connect the dots, to observe and note things that most people miss, to listen extremely well and are often found having a rich and vivid imagination too.

The more extroverts become knowledgeable about introverts, the less tension and misunderstanding there will be among the two.

So if you’re an introvert reading this, send a copy of this article to all your extrovert friends so they can get a better idea of what you’re all about.

It’s time to finally clear the air.

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192 Responses to “Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts”

  1. Dan Says:

    Dead accurate.

  2. che guevara Says:

    ok, that was a little harsh. it was a pretty good article, actually. i am the epitome of an introvert.

  3. Kid Handsome Says:

    Disagree!!

    Introverts ARE shy, if Shy == “Drawing back from contact or familiarity with others; retiring or reserved”, which is what the tubes tell me. So introverts are the very definition of shy. It’s not a misconception, its a reality. That shyness is something you feel you must defend against as being “wrong” is another matter entirely.

    If you really want to engage an extrovert in conversation, skip the small talk. If you really want to engage any intelligent person in conversation, skip the small talk. Personal desire to embody an admirable trait aside, this generalization of an introvert does not hold.

    Everyone needs to recharge, not just introverts.

    Your “article” is a livejournal post. An excellently articulated opinion piece.

    I’m not even sure where I am on the internet right now, so excuse my ass-baggery if this type content is par around here. This is actually my first ever post of this type!

  4. n0p3 Says:

    Sadly, many extraverts claim to be introverted.

  5. tony Says:

    thanks for that
    well written

  6. introvert Says:

    thanks for that.

  7. dave Says:

    n0p3 i cant agree more.

    also, i think most extroverts won’t be ones to read and dig through blogs…or reddit…

    maybe i’m wrong, but i think most extroverts won’t ever see this list, paradoxically

  8. introvert #2 Says:

    wow, I didn’t even realize half of this until I read it, but it’s spot on.

  9. TruePravda » [Link] Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts » Self Improvement Blog - BrianKim.net Says:

    […] 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts Posted by Jared Bridges | Permalink | ShareThis […]

  10. Whippleworld » Blog Archive » Believe it or not Says:

    […] I AM an intorvert. Here’s a great article about what that means: Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts Related PostsNo related posts […]

  11. JK Says:

    You think any extroverts were focused enough to read this entire article?

  12. Innovation Catalyst Says:

    Excellent article, one that I have been meaning to write in some form or another for a while on my blog. I’d build on this by suggesting that in the classical Myers-Briggs personality theory that introvert-extrovert is only a piece of the whole story. Introverts can be very different from one another - some think abstract, others concrete. Some make decisions based on logic, others on how their decisions effect others. Some are decisive and get things done quickly, others are more open to possibilities and influenced by deadlines.

  13. subcorpus Says:

    so if ontroverts need time alone to recharge …
    how do extroverts recharge …
    and sure extroverts need more frequent charging as they would need more energy being extroverts and stuff …
    right ?

  14. introextro Says:

    how do you call an introvert who is partially extroverted? An introvert who sometimes keep themselves alone but also sometimes call his/herself a party-goer.

  15. Lanterrn Bearer Says:

    This is a very good piece. I have recently picked up again on work that has come from the Myers-Briggs work in this area. I have used a great deal of my early exposure to it in my career and in my family life. I have been described as both a fearless social predator and also a wall flower. I find that the power of awareness of ones type, strengths and weaknesses is like new birth when first experienced. I have seen the effects in myself and others.

    Lantern Bearer

  16. 5 cosas que todo extrovertido debe saber de los introvertidos « tj blogger Says:

    […] 2nd, 2007 · No Comments Traduzco los puntos destacados del articulo original: La razón por la que la mayoría de laspersonas creen que hay algo malo con los introvertidos es por que la mayoría de la gente no tiene suficientes conocimientos cuando se trata de introvertidos, en el sentido del por qué de de su forma de ser y el por qué de las cosas que hacen. […]

  17. Peter Says:

    I think I need to point this… A lot of people are mistyped and in MBTI some introverts come out as extroverts… this has created a unbalance in the introverted/extroverted scale and turned the introverted into something like an outcast (perception wise).

    From a functional point of view, every person has 2 strong functions, one introverted and one extroverted. Depending on which one they predominately use they are introverted or extroverted.

    Some of the “dynamic” introverts (like the Ixxp) will look extroverted (when I tell people I’m introverted a lot of them say “You? NO WAY!” but I am. Also… some of the “static” extroverts (like the Exxp) will tend to come of looking more introverted.

    For people really interested in psychological types I recommend taking a look at the MBTI alternative… Socionics

    http://socionics.us/

  18. liderr Says:

    A very accurate article. I’m an introvert and like it that way. Also, I’ve always been a night person and while this can complicate life at times, my thought processes and creativity excel because of this.

  19. ouessant Says:

    Typically an american view: black vs white. Introverts vs extroverts. Good vs Evil. Etc.
    Introverts and extroverts are just the extreme ends of a scale of so many levels that it is absurd to classify them into 2 groups. We are all introverts AND extroverts, but in different ways. Plus, you can be more introvert on a specific day for a specific activity and more extrovert at a different time for a different activity.
    Thinking black vs white is simple. Human beings are not.

  20. K Says:

    Extroverts are probably seen as the ‘normal’ people in our society. Your article also takes this view; but of course it’s written for extroverts to read so that’s why, probably. You know, as an introvert it’s easy to feel unappreciated. ‘Dumb’ extroverts also have a good skill to bring this across. Whatever… your article is superb. Thanks.

  21. Simon Says:

    Spot on

  22. ob81 Says:

    Great read. I suffer from people thinking that I am an arrogant guy. I also tend to be very interacting and funny at work and other places, though only sometimes. This turns into a burden as well, as I am pretty humorous and people are always expecting something.

    Spot on write up

  23. Brent Says:

    Very good piece. I’m a classic introvert myself. This quote — “…introverts can do a lot of things extroverts are naturally good at - give great speeches, schmooze with everyone, be the life of the party, charm the socks off of total strangers - but only for a short period of time” — is especially accurate, and is the source of much of the misunderstanding about us introverts, I think. People meet us, think we’re very sociable and outgoing; then simply can’t understand why we don’t want to go their party the next day, or whatever.

    In my profession, I’m invited to speak at a lot of conferences and seminars. I’m told I’m pretty good at it, and I enjoy it. But I usually skip the ‘cocktail hours’ later in the day, because I have no interest or ability in the small talk that invariably ensues.

  24. Brent Says:

    oops — my submission should have said “why we don’t want to go TO their party…”

  25. Romnico Says:

    A lot of Thanks! A very good article.. Will pass this one.

  26. amy Says:

    It’s the unfair and generalised assumptions about introverts that create the perception that introverts are by definition socially handicapped. The Introversion-Extroversion continuum relates to the individual’s need to emotionally recouperate and re-energise themselves in order to function. Some people feel more energised and relaxed in a social environment, and some feel more energised and relaxed by having time to themselves.

    Social skills are learned behaviours. Introversion does not preclude someone from developing these skills, or enjoying time spent around other people. Resorting to inaccurate stereotypes, such as the image of “dragging” introverts to parties, does little to clarify these labels.

  27. jeremy Says:

    Score one for the introverts. It’s good to hear there’s nothing wrong with me.

  28. Ric Says:

    #3 “period of time” ALL “periods” are of “time.” Just “period” would do…

    But a good article. Thanks.

  29. Stelmate Says:

    Extroverts don’t know about psychology, introverts do!

  30. Pensador Says:

    Dear Mr. Kim,

    You speak the truth. I knew I was an introvert but I thought I was from another planet. Thanks for posting this well-written article.

    Cheers

  31. Rean John Says:

    Introvert. One point added

  32. Joy Says:

    When I was in College, most of my friends call me introvert. It’s because I don’t join them when they go to parties or night outs. After our class, I would go back home right away instead of hanging around with my friends. Even my teachers would always scold me because I don’t listen in their classes instead I read books at the corner of our classroom.

    Luckily, my family is very supportive of me. They don’t force me to join any family gatherings if I don’t want to. They knew that I’m not comfortable being surrounded by other people that I just met for the first time.

  33. Funny Guy Says:

    You’re quite right.
    Now I know I’m an introvert.

  34. Dave Brook Says:

    HOLY SHIT! A GREAT article and SPOT ON!!!! (from an Introvert of course)

  35. .: GuySmiley.ca :. » Archive » Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts Says:

    […] The reason why the majority of people think that there’s something wrong with introverts is because the majority of people aren’t very knowledgeable when it comes to introverts, in terms of why they are the way they are and why they do the things they do.read more | digg story […]

  36. Chat Marchet News Digest » Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts Says:

    […] You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your ownsite. […]

  37. Me - The Introvert « Vainglorious Says:

    […] Me - The Introvert 3 10 2007 My introvertedness has recently been a popular topic of discussion with a friend of mine so I was estatic when I came across an article titled “The Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts”. You can click there to read the article but I just feel like outlining the parts the I feel really apply to me. […]

  38. Brian Says:

    I was reading this article thinking that I was Extrovert but as I read it I’m beginning to wonder if I’m an introvert. The line that really made me question it was this: “And what’s more, introverts can do a lot of things extroverts are naturally good at - give great speeches, schmooze with everyone, be the life of the party, charm the socks off of total strangers - but only for a short period of time. After that, they need time for themselves which brings us to the fourth point.” My girlfriend can’t understand how one night I can be the life of a party, and the next day not say a word. She always assumes that it’s her, but I’ve never really been able to explain why I need some time by myself. I really need that time by myself just thinking or “daydreaming.” Great article.

  39. Luis Perez Says:

    I ;]

  40. 5 things Extrovert should know about Introverts « 思いは、言葉にしなければ伝わらない Says:

    […] source link […]

  41. Extrovert Alert Says:

    An Extrovert myself…I’m married to an Introvert, first 9 years of marriage sucked for me… however, I have a really great admiration for the introvert… it’s nice to have back-up to understand what the Introvert is thinking, how they think, and why they think it. very good article.
    Oh.. and to answer the question from subcorpus:How do Extroverts recharge?? A good nights sleep. That’s all it takes!

  42. Dan Says:

    Honestly it’s a little silly to think people exist only on polar opposites. I tend to think I’m extroverted, but not as much as some people. I also go through moments where I become very introverted. Drawing a line between the two and deciding that people have to be one or the other makes it harder for everyone.

  43. eddydrama.com » Blog Archive » Good Read Says:

    […] Click Me. […]

  44. anonymous Says:

    sad thing is, 99% of the readers of this article will be introverts.

  45. Yes. « gh1f Says:

    […] Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts » Self Improvement Blog - BrianKim.net […]

  46. Zac Says:

    You know… this would have been a great article had you changed the tone a little. It almost seems like you are fed up with the world comming down on “introvert” personalities.

    To be honest, i think introverted and extroverts as 2 definitive characteristics of human behavior is ignorant and very bland way of describing and grouping individual’s based on their behavior patterns. You make it seem as if the world of extroverts is looking at the world of introverts as if they are lessar.

    Well guess what, some book has told you that there are extro and intro’s… not real life. If you actually examine people to get down to their root personalities, you’d see that things are MUCH more complex on the social scale and in human behavior, than two simple groups defined as “intro and extro”.

    Myself for example, in a social setting i will be the most extrovertive person towards my friends, but only when i need to be. Otherwise, I’m the guy that shows up last and leaves first. It really all depends on the situation and what’s going on. I don’t prefer one over the other as i have just as much fun by myself as i do going and partying with friends. If i were to disrupt the balance with one over the other, i’de either get sick of the people or i’de get sick of sitting by myself.

    SO what does this make me? Extrointroverted? Relating back to my point at the start is that your tone in this article makes it seem like you’re an introvert crying out in a world of extroverts who don’t understand you. The reality is, there is nothing wrong with being either (which you’ve stated and i respect), but equality does become an issue when you try to equal the playing field by declaring lack of knowledge onto others. You keep saying “THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE”. Well, did you go and interview the “MAJORITY OF PEOPLE” or did you just base this one a couple jerks that you work with or have to deal with in your life?

    I just don’t think you’ve really thought out what the message you were trying to send was. I agree with your message, that any extroverts thinking less of someone else because they don’t think the same way is appalling and should cease to exist. But, i can’t agree with your principals and how you came to these conclusions. I assure you, the world “majority” doesn’t see introverts as social rejects or the like, they are either just a shy person (which is very common), or they are one of those introverts that just does NOT need social stimulation to stay content (nothing wrong with that!). Please don’t assume the world is morally crumbling based on a few jerk friends you’ve had over your life.

  47. I’m proud of being an introvert. « info-ninja Says:

    […] October 3rd, 2007 Brian Kim writes: Introverts tend to be those who are more energized when alone with themselves. They are the ones who have to be dragged to parties, who are the first ones ready to leave after a short period of time, and who generally enjoy solitary activities such as reading, writing, and daydreaming. […]

  48. Alvin Cheung Says:

    Good article. I consider myself fairly extroverted myself and it was nice to be able to understand what exactly goes on here. But, it makes it sound like extroverts are not interested in deep conversation. We are, but the small talk is there to get to a topic of deep conversation. It’s not all small talk if you can find something that both parties can expand on. That’s when it goes deeper. What I like to do is throw out a bunch of topics until this happens, and I truly enjoy poking around and finding out what about/how other people think. Great article though. Cheers!

  49. INTRAVERTS Says:

    Crazy article! Spottt on.

  50. RC Says:

    I agree that a lot of people misunderstand the behavior of introverts. However, I also feel like extroverts can be misunderstood. Just looking at some of these posts, we have: “You think any extroverts were focused enough to read this entire article?” and “Extroverts don’t know about psychology, introverts do!” I take issue with this. I’d say I’m extroverted, but more towards the midline than the extreme. I go out most nights of the week and am constantly busy. I usually take one day of the week to watch television and do something creative to recharge, plus getting a good 7-8 hours of sleep a night. But just because I’m extroverted now (I was introverted as a teenager) doesn’t mean that I’m unfocused. Some extroverts may have ADHD, but the majority do not. Our focus may just be in a different place than yours. And I would argue that extroverts do know about psychology. Just because we’re often classified as social butterflies or whatever doesn’t mean we have no time for self reflection - also we spend time figuring out the psychology of other people as well as ourselves (not saying introverts don’t do that also).

    There are some shy introverts, there are some introverts who are just happy being alone. There are some manic extroverts and there are some extroverts who are just happy being around other people. Like other posters have said, this is not a black and white issue, it’s all shades of gray.

  51. Manny Says:

    Great post. I’ve commented on Marti Laney’s book “The Introvert Advantage” on my blog, and, as an introvert, I found that understanding more about introverts greatly increased my coping skills.

    Manny
    http://successbooks.blogspot.com

  52. Drexl Says:

    Great article!

  53. infurious » Blog Archive » Introverts and Extroverts Says:

    […] There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert. Really. […]

  54. Jack Says:

    Great article. I thoroughly enjoyed the read and have to say I agree with just about everything.

    I do have a reply for Kid Handsome, the third commenter.
    -I don’t think introverts are necessarily shy at all, it’s just a matter of preference to be alone. Shy to me means flustering or tripping over words when speaking publicly, or becoming uncomfortably awkward in social situations, or avoiding contact with other people out of some fear. That is my interpretation of shy. I don’t believe I’m shy if I am happier when I’m alone with my thoughts and would prefer this the majority of the time.
    -Good point. The “skipping the small talk” idea makes it sound like only dolts engage in small talk. I don’t think the author necessarily meant it as a shot at extroverts, but rather a look at how an introverts brain differs and how there may be a wide gap in conversational perception.

  55. cr Says:

    My bf is an introvert and im quite an extrovert,ive known this since i first got with him.We’ve been together over 2 yrs now and its quite annoying at times as i hav to literally drag him anywhere,the funny thing is thou as much as he moans n complains about not wantin to go,wen we leave he tells me wot a good time he had!!lol.even most of our time together is spent in his room as trying to get him outside is a feat,lol.this article definetly gave us some laughs,its so true!!

  56. Dave Says:

    This sounds about right. I have always considered myself an introvert, I just enjoy being alone every so often. This is a great article, I’ll be sure to pass this on to people I know.

  57. Along the Spectrum » Mainstream Neurodiversity Says:

    […] While doing some casual surfing this evening, I found link to an article titled Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts. It’s on a blog about self improvement written by Brian Kim. […]

  58. chriswho » Blog Archive » Things extroverts need to know about introverts Says:

    […] I stumbled upon this article by Brian Kim titled “Top 5 things every extrovert should know about introverts“.  I have no idea about Brian Kim’s credentials, but this article hit the nail on the head from my (admittedly introverted) perspective.  Worth taking a few minutes to read if you want to understand the workings of our sometimes quirky social behavior. […]

  59. Jonathon Zone » Blog Archive » Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts Says:

    […] The reason why the majority of people think that there’s something wrong with introverts is because the majority of people aren’t very knowledgeable when it comes to introverts, in terms of why they are the way they are and why they do the things they do.read more | digg story […]

  60. Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts « Mike Hurren’s Blog Says:

    […] Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts […]

  61. Danielle Says:

    I have been dating an introvert for two years now. An extrovert myself, I am constantly trying to drag him places that are fun to me; parties, clubs; etc, while he’d prefer to be anywhere but. I get upset when he wont want to talk to me at the end of our days, which I guess falls under the topic of small talk. When he does talk to me at night, he’s unresponsive because hes either playing a video game or reading something online, which makes me feel like he doesnt care about how my day was or any of my small talk. While this article has shown me that this isnt true, I still struggle with it. I want to bring him out places that I frequent, but hes just not comfortable there. I still cant seem to get past these two things though. Are we doomed?

  62. Noah’s MVP Volunteer 2007/2008 blog » About introverts from an extravert perspective. Says:

    […] Good article about introverts. In training we talked about this briefly. And I lived with an extrovert so I think this article pretty much nails it. There are alot of misconceptions about Introverts and usually they are generalized and not much thought is encouraged into the phenomenon. That is until now. Hopefully more research will be done like this article where critical thinking is encoouraged. This piece of work struck me as important because it talks about the “duck”, which was mentioned in our training. So I thought it was a good read. addthis_url = ‘http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sanslunew.com%2Fblog%2F%3Fp%3D15′; addthis_title = ‘About+introverts+from+an+extravert+perspective.’; addthis_pub = ‘’; […]

  63. the voodoo lounge » Blog Archive » 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts Says:

    […] I characterize myself as an introvert who does his best to occasionally emulate an extrovert. That’s why nearly everything said in this post rings familiar to me. […]

  64. 五項外向的人應知道內向的人的事 « Fuyan’s Stuff Says:

    […] 五項外向的人應知道內向的人的事 Filed under: 1 — fuyanyu @ 6:53 am Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts […]

  65. Bela Says:

    Damn good stuff! May I translate it to Hungarian?

  66. xeophin.tapestry » Blog Archive » links for 2007-10-04 Says:

    […] Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts Now, that sums it up nicely, doesn’t it? (tags: personality lang:en psychology introvert) […]

  67. middleground Says:

    Hi,

    Ofcourse, as quite a few people have allready replied, the truth is never as black&white as this article suggests.

    But I don’t think the article should be read as “the truth”, but simply as an exaggerated version of the truth.
    Nothing wrong with that: exaggeration can be a very helpful tool!
    It can lift a situation out of the net of nuances that obscures it from beeing examined in the first place. Glimpses of truth can often only be seen in the extremes.
    So exaggeration is actually a great way to examine underlying tendencies that can’t be seen when only looking at the ‘middle ground’.

    The middle ground is, however, where most of the real world is.

    I liked the ideas in the article and I’ll incorporate them into my daily analysis of things. Weighing and testing them as I go along. (In my typical introverted way.) :)
    Thanks for the input!

  68. Katie Says:

    Thanks for enlightening me. I am a pretty intense extrovert, but I read this article because my introvert boyfriend sent it to me. You’re dead on about the misconceptions everyone has, and it took me two years of dating him to finally realize the way for us to argue less was to let him have time alone, and understand why he may not want to go to parties with me. But intorverts must realize it’s hard not to take it personally: it can come accross as if an extrovert enjoys spending time with an introvert more than that introvert does. Very important to be on the same page, and realize affections need not be expressed simply by the amount of time spent with a person, but rather the quality of the time…and introverts are great at providing quality time, if not quantity. Any thoughts on the possibilities of an introvert/extrovert relationship working well? (perhaps opposties attract and complement each other?)

  69. jakobofski Says:

    true,true, very true.

  70. Introverts vs. Extroverts| The Digital Chronicles of Dennis Larsen| Orange Days ♥ Says:

    […] Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts The reason why the majority of people think that there’s something wrong with introverts is because the majority of people aren’t very knowledgeable when it comes to introverts, in terms of why they are the way they are and why they do the things they do. […]

  71. Moewes.com » links for 2007-10-04 Says:

    […] Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts As an extrovert married to an introvert, these are important things to learn. (tags: personality social relationships) […]

  72. Myself Says:

    Myself an introvert, i have to say right on… I get a lot of crud from my peers because I’ll be reading or very concentrated on what I’m doing and they’ll think I’m angry with them or something… can get very frustrating at times so I’m glad i have something to hopefully help them understand :-D

  73. Brian Kim Says:

    First off, thank you to all of you who’ve responded with your comments. I really appreciate it. My apologies for not responding within the flow of the comments. I’ve had sporadic access to the Internet for the last couple of days. I will respond to half of the comments listed so far within this reply and to the other half when I have some more time.

    Dan
    Che Guevara
    Tony
    Introvert
    Introvert 2
    Simon
    Romnico
    Jeremy
    Ric
    Pensador
    Funny Guy
    Dave Brook
    Intraverts
    Manny
    Drexl

    Thank you all so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it! It’s good to see that you all see the article as dead on.

    Kid Handsome

    Thank you for your comments and for the kind words. I really appreciate it.

    And you are certainly entitled to your opinion.

    Using the definition of shy you described in your post, it’s certainly easy to see how introverts could be labeled as shy. However, the purpose of this article was to show that there is a difference between shyness a person being introverted. Most people lump the two in the same sentence due to misconceived notions and lack of knowledge. Granted, there are introverts who are shy, but they don’t apply to the whole.

    With regard to the matter about small talk, I agree with what you said. It’s just that introverts tend to dislike small talk more so than their counterpart extroverts.

    True, everyone needs to recharge, but people recharge in different ways. Introverts recharge when alone and extroverts recharge when with other people or through other means.

    I thank you for your kind words and welcome your post, even if it is your first of this type!

    Dave and n0p3

    I’ve never heard that claim but there’s always something new to learn. I also agree that most extroverts don’t read blogs so that’s why I recommended introverts send the article along to them at the end of the article ;)

    JK

    I do think extroverts were focused enough to read the article, and not just this article, but any other as well.

    Innovation Catalyst

    Thank you very much for your kind words and for adding to the article. It’s definitely a good way to give the article more depth.

    Subcorpus

    Please see reply 41 :)

    Introextro

    While a person can exhibit both qualities of an introvert and extrovert, the underlying theory in psychology today is that there is one dominating side. To help with that, ask yourself this question. If you were at a party for some time and needed to recharge, would you socialize more or withdraw to a place where you could be alone for a while?

    Lanterrn Bearer
    Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your experience with us on becoming more aware of your types, strengths, and weaknesses. I agree it’s akin to becoming born again because Myer Briggs does an extremely good job of articulating those kinds of things. We know it, but we can’t articulate it as well as the tests do.

    Peter
    Thanks for adding to the article. You bring up very valid points and Socionics looks to be an extremely good alternative to the current Myer Briggs testing.

    Liderr
    Thanks for your comments. I can relate to what you’re saying about being a night person as well. That’s when creativity seems to flow for me.

    Ouessant
    Thank you for your comments. You bring up good points when you say it’s not as easy as splitting people into two groups. Perhaps the article would’ve been better understood if people knew it was targeted toward those who were the extremes on both sides.

    K
    Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your thoughts.

    You’re certainly correct when you say that extroverts tend to be viewed as “normal’ in our society and that it can be easy for introverts to feel underappreciated. That’s one of the reasons why I felt this article had to be written.

    Ob81
    Thanks for the kind words and for sharing your experiences. I can see how it can be a bit burdensome for you to have to play on both teams, so to speak.

    Brent

    Thank you as well for your kind words and for sharing your experiences with us. It’s good to see introverts such as yourself clear up the misconceptions that people normally have of them.

    Amy

    Thank you very much for your comments. It certainly adds to the article.

    Joy
    Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. I think a lot of people will be able to identify with your situation. It’s good to see that your family is supportive and understanding.

    Brian
    Thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate it.

    It’s funny how you point that line out because I think it’s that line that helps people who are on the fence, differentiate whether they are more extroverted or introverted.

    Thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts with us.

    Extrovert Alert
    Thank you for the kind words and for sharing your admiration for the introvert. It’s good to see that you do have an understanding of what they’re all about.

    And thanks for answering subcorpus’ question ;)

    Dan
    You bring up very good points and I think this article would’ve been more “focused” had it been directed toward those who are on the extremes on both sides.

    Anonymous
    That’s exactly why I urged the introverts reading this to send it to their extroverted friends ;)

  74. Jason Says:

    Even though I avoid “labeling” myself certain things, I’m definitely introverted by nature. I was also “shy” when I was growing up, which I think is a different thing. Shyness is avoiding social situations on purpose because you feel afraid or nervous about them. I overcame that probably in high school, but I still tend to keep to myself. Its really not even about being “charged up” by being alone, but rather having the ability to look inward and be entertained by my own thoughts and not needing to be continually amused or excited by other people being amused or excited. Being extroverted is definitely held in high regard in society. In my opinion, very extroverted people are more insecure than introverts - on a deep level. For me, extremely extroverted people seem to constantly need other’s approval and reinforcement for things they do, whereas I do what I please and am only really tripped up when someone calls me “shy”. A stigma becomes attached when someone uses that term in the company of others and its hard to shake it simply because extroverts don’t understand. I learn more by saying nothing at all. Thanks for the article - good read!

  75. Chris Says:

    I appreciate the thought behind an article like this, but I’m not totally crazy about it because it seems to reinforce a lot of cliches about introverts and extraverts. Like others have said, real life is a lot more subtle and complex.

    It also helps foster an us vs. them attitude. The poor introverts are always being misunderstood by the thoughtless extroverts.

    On another note, I’m not totally convinced introversion is a inborn and immutable a personality trait as people think it is. A lot of what feels like a core part of you may just be due to life experiences. Of course socializing is draining, you’re not used to it or well practiced in it…

  76. mattrs » Christian Union Says:

    […] After reading an article about extroverts and introverts, I think I’m an introvert. Peter (Smith-Keary) and I have developed a sense of humour which effectively excludes other people, even if we didn’t mean it to. I realise this now and it takes a bit of hard work to get out of that sense of humour while still being my sense of humour, if that makes any sense. […]

  77. penny Says:

    I liked the article. I just got home from a bookstore cafe, where I have lots of “friends”.
    But, I was bored stiff, and I got one cruel remark that upset me all night from a high school
    tramp girl.

    As an introvert–I find that I get intense needs to be social, and then get disgusted with the
    time wasted, and the stupidity and ignorance of the people I socialize with. It’s a losing situation. Sometimes, people are irrationally cruel, too.

    On the other hand, a nice mathematics article or physics book never disappoints. And, I get far more bang
    for the buck by reading–in terms of information–than by talking with people:Speech is very slow, and people generally know almost nothing. They don’t think–they parrot opinions. Most people haven’t read even a thousand books in their entire lives.

    I have come to accept this. I also Loathe the current popular culture, and I can’t relate to it.
    I would rather read a poem by Spencer, or a play by Euripedes, than hear about Paris Hilton or
    Tom Cruise. I would rather discuss chess than Football. I would rather go home and play some Bach
    on my piano. That makes me calm and sane.

    I used to think that if I pretended an interest in popular culture, I would be happier and social–but, I have come to to HATE the phonyness of that. I have wasted thousands of hours in the attempt to be social.

    The worst part of it, is the feeling that I don’t fit in the world. Most likely, I just don’t fit in Suburbia.
    Penny

    As a child, I used to sit on a jetty and think–and imagine that I would be happier living on an asteroid in the Oort Cloud. Physics made me happy.

  78. Kid Handsome Says:

    Jack…
    Your definition of shy; the uncomfortable, awkward, flustering, tripping, well adjusted individual, is my definition of socially inept. (Everyone of any intelligence is from time to varying time happy when alone with their thoughts) My definition of shy is just a dude that is reserved and lays back in the cut. Maybe I am in the minority, maybe I have a different perspective.
    If everyone enjoys good conversation, how does the introverts brain differ any from the “others”? There is always a gap in conversational perception, thats what conversations are! I speak, you listen, I have my perception and you have yours. You perceive, I perceive your perspective as you relay it to me. If that’s not a gap then I want my money back because I CAN believe it’s not butter!

    Brian Kim…
    Do you have any reply to Zac? He makes some great points. (Candidly, I clicked his name and tried to find out more about him. I wondered…had he been inside my brain, stringing together coherent thoughts from my inarticulate un-intelligence? [Sadly, I lost his trail after I got to Chronic7.com and found no easy trace of his presence on the tubes.]) What of the great continuum of human behavior?
    If you have already addressed his points, I cry pardon, I should have been more thorough than ctrl-f!

    Above I loosely define what shy is to me? Am I way off? It’s my opinion that for the “majority” of people out there, shy does not have as many negative connotations as you seem to think. Anecdotally, a large majority of women I know dig on a true shy guy.

    Again, if lively debate is not the purpose of this forum, I bow out of your cyberspace and wish you well in future backpatting.
    However, your well-articulated thoughts on what your critics have to say would be a welcome respite from the day to day mundaneness that is the fark-ification of the internet.
    (al speling mztaks ar myn wit pryde)

  79. No, but my computer cares - Clicked - msnbc.com Says:

    […] Posted: Friday, October 05, 2007 9:49 AM by Will Femia Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts - Something I’ve been thinking about lately (as an introvert) is how/whether the new wave of social software is of use to introverts.  To some extent it helps automate some of the socializing an introvert doesn’t already do on their own. But at some point the introvert has to care enough to bother managing their online accounts and that may be tantamount to imposing an extroverted perspective on people who don’t really share those priorities. If anyone reading this has had their social lives changed dramatically with the help of a social network, I’d be interested in hearing about it (assuming sharing such things suits your personality). Speaking of social sites doing it for you, I read the Microsoft press release on what’s new with the new Zune release and it includes a social site that automatically lists the music you’re listening to. Again I wonder, does this mean that people who are interested in music but hate “what’s your favorite song” small talk can now participate like extroverts while having the small talk done for them? Or is it all just junk information because a person who doesn’t already maintain track lists won’t care about lists made for them? Maybe I have a selective memory, but when the Zune first came out I remember it being roundly mocked by the online gadget community. But since then Apple has suffered a bit of a backlash.  The iPod isn’t seen as infalible and some people are still angry at how that whole iPhone price change happened. This time around Microsoft is getting favorable press for giving free upgrades to old Zunes and comparisons with iPods include phrases like “holds its own” and “a tougher call.” Disclosure: Microsoft is a partner in MSNBC.com. However, I don’t own a Zune or an iPod as I play music on my computer when I’m sitting and prefer “nat sound” when I’m walking. Yesterday was International Bloggers’ Day for Burma. I’m not sure what that means in the big picture. Most chilling Burma headline: ‘They Come at Night and Murder the Monks’ What you’re not so naive as to not already know about Burma:  “As the Burmese military brutally cracks down on a popular uprising of its citizens demanding democracy the question on many minds is – so what is the world going to do about it? From the trend visible so far the answer is simple- nothing at all.” Kanye West has a new blog. Really active so far. Hard to say if he’s really writing it. Seems unlikely. Also with a new blog, the U.S. State Department. “Welcome to the State Department’s first-ever blog, Dipnote.” I can’t say I like the name. Sounds like notes made by dips. Speaking of diplomacy, as odd as it seems that a Pentagon official would say, “I hate all Iranians,” the accompanying photo has also inspired some blogside head scratching. Was this some kind of costume party? Speaking of making the UK uncomfortable, Britain ‘no longer closest Bush ally’ - Includes this line: “‘Operationally, British forces have performed poorly in Basra,’ said the [White House] official. ‘Maybe it’s best that they leave. Now we will have a clear field in southern Iraq.’” Ick. Speaking of the war, Commuter Click: Christopher Hitchens faces the question of his own responsibility for encouraging someone to fight and die in Iraq. I’ve only read page one of three so far but very compelling stuff.  And, NOTE to magazine marketers: This is the fourth Vanity Four piece I’ve enjoyed online and I’m suddenly thinking I might need a subscription to the dead tree version. I did this once before with the New Yorker and ended up letting the subscription lapse because I found myself still reading online, but I may yet prove to be an example of why putting your stuff online for free is actually good for business. Iranian University Invites Bush to Speak - Can you imagine that introduction? Radiohead Says: Pay What You Want - I’m a little behind in relaying this because I couldn’t get it to work. This morning it processed my order but then gave me a registration form which, frankly, I don’t trust. Mobile phone number is a required field? YouTube Project:Direct - Is a short film contest. Human LCD - I can’t figure out how they’re doing this. Has the crowd just memorized which of two cards to display and when? Or do they have a stack of cards they flip through when they hear the command? Using a metal detector this guy found a buried sword from the early 1600s. Following the headline, I was relieved to find that it’s not one of those “news of the weird” stories about a retiree zig-zagging the beach at sunset. It’s an archaeology blog and the sword was found in a forest that used to be an active harbor. Speaking of finding valuable stuff, The Wallet Test: “100 wallets were dropped in front of hidden cameras to see who would return the wallets and who would steal them…” They broke the results down by race, sex and age and found that young black males were the category most likely to steal the wallet. Cue heated online discussion. Old people + Wii Bowling championship = serious business - I think this is really an ad for some kind of retirement community, but it’s a point well taken that as the retired population grows there are going to be a lot of people with a lot of time on their hands who will benefit from and appreciate low-impact entertainment. This photo has been floating around the Web lately, being variously used to point to the popularity of Apple with college kids or the groupthink among college kids. To me it marks a generational dividing line. If you are above a certain age, this scene is completely foreign to you. Just like if you are below a certain age you have no idea what a Smurf is. A caffeine nap is basically like using caffeine as a time released alarm clock. Have some caffeine just before you doze and you have until your system processes it for some quick shut-eye. That’s the theory anyway. I advise against trying it at lunch until you know your body works that way. Financial Models for Underachievers: Two Years of the Real Numbers of a Startup - The Redfin guy reveals as many numbers about his business as he’s able. Who else is this generous with this kind of information? Valuable post. Rocket-powered 21-foot-long X-Wing model actually flies - Folks from the previous Star Wars remake comment thread might want to take note of this. It might not be too far in the future that a Star Wars remake comes from amateurs with pro/am equipment and kick-ass skills. All Volkswagens to have hybrid option How much extra would a gold-plated laptop weigh? “Eight artists snuck into the depths of Providence Place mall and built a secret studio apartment in which they stayed, on and off, for nearly four years until mall security finally caught their leader last week.” Here’s their site. It’s not clear to me how mall security didn’t see this. Could it be there aren’t as many security cameras in a mall as I think there are? Speaking of security shortcomings, I Was a Teenage Terrorist: The Star Simpson Story - An MIT professor tries to draw conclusions from the recent Logan Airport “fake bomb” incident. It’s mostly an indictment of the media coverage but his points about how exactly to advise students so the same thing doesn’t happen to them are simultaneously funny and frustrating. Boing Boing launches a video channel. I’m not sure why they think Web video needs TV style talking heads, commentary and editing. Groovy dancing girl is approaching Numa Numa kid status, albeit at a slower pace. Seeing how it’s done by dancing in slow motion kind of takes the fun out of it. […]

  80. Extroverts, Leave us Introverts Alone Says:

    […] If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed or email alerts. Thanks for visiting!I just hope that those pesky chatty extroverts would leave us introverts alone. I’m not sure that I am entirely an introvert but certain social expectations do bother me. Paris Hilton skewered by David Letterman Filed under Asides […]

  81. Meg Says:

    I think one of the distinctions between shy and introverted is fear. A shy person is afraid that he or she will be judged or dispised if he or she speaks up or becomes the focus of the conversation. An introvert may not contribute as much to the conversation in general as an extrovert, but it is mostly because he/she is observing, mulling over the points others have made, analyzing the conversation, etc. An introvert can become shy if he or she is mocked for holding back or not speaking up, but just because he or she is not saying anything doesn’t warrant a shy label.

  82. Brian Kim Says:

    Zac
    Thank you very much for your well thought out comments. I really appreciate it.

    I can definitely see things from your point of view.

    With regard to the tone of the article, I assure you that the only reason why it may have come off a little too strong was because I was just acting as the voice for all introverts who wanted to convey the sentiments found in the article.

    As for the middle ground you mention, it certainly is a valid point. I think the article would’ve been much more focused had it established it was written for the extremes on both sides.

    With regard to the majority of people, I use the term loosely to describe how most extroverts in my experience and with talking to others, seem to view introverts. Of course, there will be a minority who think otherwise. The majority/minority proportion is just a common phenomenon found in human society. But it’s good to see you’re part of the minority who think otherwise :)
    Thanks again for your comments.

    Alvin Cheung
    Thanks for your comments and for sharing that little tidbit about deep conversations. It wasn’t my intent to imply that all extroverts didn’t like it and I apologize if it came across that way. That method you talk about is something I use as well from time to time ;)

    RC
    Thank you very much for your comments. They are well thought out points from the other perspective.

    Jack
    Thank you very much for your kind words and for responding to Kid Handsome’s comments. They are very much appreciated!

    Cr
    Thanks for sharing your experiences with us regarding your introvert/extrovert relationship. I think it’s something that a lot of people wonder about and it looks like you guys have managed to find that coveted middle ground where you can both feel free to be who you are!

    Dave
    Thanks for the kind words and thank you in advance for passing the article along. I really appreciate it!

    Danielle
    I don’t think you guys are doomed. I think it’s just a matter of both parties understanding where the other is coming from, in terms of why they do the things they do and planning accordingly to meet the other’s needs, while at the same time, maintaining a “middle” ground so you both don’t feel too overwhelmed.

    Maybe you guys can plan nights where you two agree to go out or talk and then switch off the next week. That might be a good start.

    But the first thing to do is to help each other understand where you’re coming from and make sure that you understand where the other person is coming from as well. When the lines of communication open and everything is understood, everything will flow from there.

    Bela
    Thanks for the kind words and of course you can translate it to Hungarian. Just please make sure to credit the source and link back to the article. That’s all I ask.

    Middleground
    Thank you very much for the clarification. I think this is the best response to those who have commented that there is a middle ground and I don’t deny that for a second at all. This article was intended to be a little exaggerated and catered to the extremes on both sides and I probably should’ve made that clear in the beginning.

    I’m glad you still got something out of it though!

    Katie
    Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us. You’re dead on when you say that it’s important to be on the same page. I think that’s probably the reason why there’s so much frustration in introvert/extrovert relationships.

    With regard to your query about introvert/extrovert relationships working well, I absolutely think they can and exactly for the reasons you’ve stated. I think people subconsciously seek out partners who will “fill in” the “gaps” (for lack of a better word) that they have. Relationships are not two, but one.

    Myself
    Good to see you’ll have something to show your peers to get them to understand why you do the things you do ;)

    Jason
    Thanks for the kind words and for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us. I think a lot of people will agree with your thoughts about shyness and about having the ability to be entertained by one’s own thoughts.

    I also think they’ll also be able to relate to being labeled as shy and having that stigma attached when it happens around other people. That’s definitely one of the reasons why I wanted to write the article and clear the air because I see it happen all the time.

    Chris
    Thank you very much for your honest remarks. I really appreciate it.

    I think they’re very valid and you bring up excellent points, particularly when point out the whole us vs. them attitude that people sometimes get caught up in.

    In the end, we’re all human, with our own subtle little differences that make up who we are and I think the more that everyone becomes aware of what those subtle differences are and the reasons behind them, the less strained relationships will be.

    Penny

    Thank you very much for sharing your honest thoughts with us. I wouldn’t be surprised if some readers would be able to relate 100% to what you wrote.

    Kid Handsome
    I replied to Zac’s comments in this comment and it should be near the beginning. I split my responses in two parts as I didn’t have much time.

    With regard to your question about the definition of shyness, I think there is a difference between social ineptness and shyness, but I think there’s a little “spillover” effect if you will between the two. If a person is shy, then they won’t have much experience in social situations as they tend to avoid it, and with that lack of experience might come a certain degree of social ineptitude.

    And with regard to your question about lively debate, it’s certainly not discouraged in this forum. I welcome it, but the only drawback on my part is that sometimes there are too many comments and debates, and not enough time on my part to reply in a timely manner.

    Thank you very much for all your comments and thoughts. They are very much appreciated!

    Meg
    Excellent point you bring up and I wholeheartedly agree. I think that extroverts aren’t really aware of what’s really going on inside an extrovert’s mind and the easiest conclusion to come up with is to put on the shy label. Thanks for shedding light on that factor.

  83. missy Says:

    I’m an ambivert, im half extroverted/half introverted. I think ones history, ones family, ones social status, and ones social history plays HUGELY into who they become as adults. I was more extroverted when younger, and over the course of years (im 30 something now) and because of life circumstances and whatnot, have become more and more recluse. But i do crave and like social interaction from time to time and quite enjoy it. My point is that life plays into this a great deal. Nice article, thanxs!

  84. hello Says:

    i am an introvert trying to change into an extrovert. and it is working, but the only person trying to change me in to an extrovert is me, so i dont feel like a loner. it is a consious decision because i have never like to feel left out anyway.

  85. Peter Says:

    “i am an introvert trying to change into an extrovert. ”

    People…. STOP this insanity! Just because Steve Pavlina or some other “expert” said you could turn into an extrovert, it doesn’t mean that you can do it! Introversion is not a “Bad Thing”TM
    Introversion is not about being shy, or socially handicapped! You can be a very outspoken introvert and as I said earlier… each introvert has an extroverted side but using that side more often doesn’t mean that you will become an extrovert… just that you will exhibit extroverted behavior sometimes. Inside you will remain an introvert forever! People NEED you to be an introvert.

    The best relationships are between one introvert and one extrovert. The so called Duality relationship is the easiest ticket to that “Synergy - When the whole is greater than the sum of the parts” that Stephen Covey speaks about in 7 Habits. When and introvert interacts with his/hers complementary extrovert synergy happens by default.

    I love being an introvert and if you are one I suggest to follow Bob Proctor’s advice and find out as much as possible about yourself… you will to feel like kissing yourself… :)

  86. flights » Blog Archive » links for 2007-10-03 Says:

    […] Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts (tags: psychology culture) […]

  87. Tumblelog #2 « harmless chatter….. Says:

    […] Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts - someone ought to tell them, even if they don’t. […]

  88. Proud to be an Introvert !! « The other side of the other coin Says:

    […] Proud to be an Introvert !! [Source : http://briankim.net/blog/2007/10/top-5-things-every-extrovert-should-know-about-introverts/] […]

  89. Tony Says:

    Wow I really enjoyed your article, I don’t understand why people would disagree with it at all. Being an introvert myself, let me just say it was spot on and totally accurate. Only thing that made me upset was reading those mean comments… I mean, to think you put that much work into something and someone just HAS to be a prick and say “ooooo it’s period, not period of time!!!” WOW, get a life! While I did notice a couple “grammatical oddities”, they are probably just related your natural way of speaking. In my opinion that isn’t a bad thing at all because reading the article gave me the feeling that you were actually talking to us, instead of just spouting off facts from a medical journal. Thank you very much for the great read, I needed that after having a terrible week of extroverts trashing me for no reason on “okcupid.com”, to the point where I had to delete my profile it was so bad. Maybe you should do a reverse article, as right now I’m under the impression that all extroverts are dumb, heartless assholes! Take care! Thanks again for the great read, I will pass it on.

  90. Random Tangent Says:

    […] Second, Brian Kim wrote a really good article earlier this week called ‘Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts‘. Being generally introverted myself, I really appreciate the fact that he’s written this and think that it’s something everyone (extrovert and introvert likewise) should read. No Comments so far Leave a comment Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong> […]

  91. s t i c k f l y . c o m » Some things every extrovert should know about introverts Says:

    […] This article struck a chord with me, I guess because it goes in to bat for us in the ‘more introverted’ camp. The slightly frustrating thing about it is the oversimplified definitions and the fact that attention is only paid to extreme extroverts and extreme introverts, whereas i think almost all of us fall somewhere in between. But it’s an interesting read, and hey it made me feel a bit better about myself and my somewhat excessive need for ‘alone time’!!! […]

  92. Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts Says:

    […] Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts » Self Improvement Blog - BrianKim.net […]

  93. Listen Up, All You Extroverts (or, Read Up! in this case) « Seeing Red, Bleeding Blue, Feeling Green Says:

    […] Listen Up, All You Extroverts (or, Read Up! in this case) 8 10 2007 Nice to see this in writing. It would help a lot of situations if more extroverts understood these things about introverts. […]

  94. Christian Smoker Says:

    […] Pretty interesting article on the Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts, I don’t really agree with everything in it but still I must say it’s neat […]

  95. Out With The Golden Rule, In With The Platinum Rule! (i.e., The Golden Rule Is Wrong, Part II) « Open Source Innovation Says:

    […] Both examples involved two people with polar opposite Myers-Briggs personality types - ISTJ (Tom) and ENTP (Jerry). I was planning on giving everyone a primer on the differences between the types, but fortunately for us this fabulous article on the difference between introverts and extroverts kickstarted it for me. […]

  96. Personal trainer Says:

    Being an introvert myself I don’t find words to describe your findings. Its simply amazing. I had always thought of “what makes an introvert different from an extrovert”. Even though I can make out some differences here and there I could not give enough reasoning for my findings. This might be because I thought of this topic standing on my side(as an introvert). I always ended up conflicting my thoughts. You have defined very well. Being neutral could have been helpful for your findings. Thanks for the post.

  97. Stan Says:

    Reading this made me feel the same way I did when I learned I had ADD. Wow! That’s ME! Such a relief! I love quiet things - libraries, fishing, sailing, hiking, snorkeling, reading. Hate noisy groups, stupid small talk, superficial anything. Meaning in discussions is everything. To participate in inconsequential “prattle” is revolting, but sometimes socially required. HATE IT! Also hated feeling like an oddball, the “distant one” who doesn’t want to join in. Now, at least, I understand. Attending a loud, noisy wedding I left feeling totally exhausted and couldn’t understand why. Now I realize it’s the noise and the stress of trying to be who I’m not. Getting old enough so I’m not doing that very much anymore. If people don’t understand, I really don’t give a ****. Thanks very much for a great article!!

  98. joe Says:

    THnaks for the article. I have bookmarked your page and will be senting the link to friends who worry that I will be lonely living by myself. Nothing is further from the truth. I love my own company.

  99. Mayze Says:

    Just to let you know your article is greatly appreciated! It’s at times extremely difficult to be an introvert in such an extroverted society. Especially when you have to work with people, drive home surrounded by people, be in stores packed with people. I truly am the odd one out. For me it’s soothing to just turn all forms of noise off and quiet my mind and heart. Extroverts will not understand how physically upsetting it can be just doing what you have to do to live. Also this article is pretty accurate with respects to how others view introverts. Others have thought me to be a snob when truly I enjoy people and conversations but too much at once does get a sense of being over-whelmed. It does mix up the brain! To acknowledge the differences is one thing but to have the wisdom to put it in black and white for each of us is truly a blessing. Many thanks…

  100. Dan M Says:

    First thing’s first: this wasn’t too bad of an article, if a bit brief - but I’ve gotten myself used to a number of periodicals recently, so of course it would seem brief.

    Admittedly, I didn’t read all of the various replies so I’ll preemptively apologize for any reiterations I may fall into, otherwise I hope that my comments serve some use or other to whomever chances to read them. The criticism I read - at least the majority of it - seems to take the article as if it is meant to give the “be all and end all” (sorry for the cliché) of the extroverted and introverted archetypes; obviously very few people - perhaps no one, but who is really to say - would fit completely into one side or the other. The definitions are, and I’d certainly like to think have always been, meant to give two extremes between which we find the ground of what I’ll call reality - or where people actually tend to fit. This is why some people are confused as to whether they’re introverted or extroverted or why some people feel that they switch back and forth because they would fit somewhere closer to the middle of the spectrum.

    I’m introverted, certainly, but I’m not shy nor am I anti-social - although for readers of Erving Goffman I tend towards being socially disgruntled (for readers of Shakespeare, I have an affinity with his famous quote, “all the world’s a stage/and all the men and women merely players…”). However after having read the article I think that the only thing lacking for casual discourse is another list of the top five things every introvert should know about an extrovert. It makes perfect sense that a number of more extroverted people won’t know much about the more introverted people because we tend to keep to ourselves, but isn’t it quite presumptuous to assume that introverts know about extroverts because they’re more social? (I don’t mean to suggest that the author makes such a presumption, but the presumption is in the air nonetheless.) For example, a lot of extroverts are seen as stupid; as rash; as if they don’t put any thought into their actions; as if they’re incapable of having those more serious in-depth conversations; and as being irresponsible and more narcissistic, for instance. However, any extrovert [and hopefully some introverts] will tell you that this is no more true than any of the correlations the article suggests extroverts may make between the five qualities and introversion. Another entire article doesn’t need to be written, just some food for thought.

    Of course there is so much to say on the topic, especially since the article is general enough to leave a number of paths for tangents to take off - and I do quite enjoy the art of tangents, but I have gone on rather long I suppose. I would like to say a few things about some of Penny’s remarks because I don’t think they have been discussed too much outside of her introduction of them.

    “I get intense needs to be social, and then get disgusted with the
    time wasted, and the stupidity and ignorance of the people I socialize with. It’s a losing situation.” — I used to have a very similar reaction and the solution I came across is rather simple, but regrettably more difficult than it may sound: socialize with different people. I think this needs a lot more explanation than I’m going to give, but for the sake of brevity I adopted a more archaic [read: Aristotelian, but I don’t want to bring that entire period of thought into this too explicitly] definition of friendship; as a result I lost a lot of ‘friends’ - who weren’t really friends - but I made a few very good ones with whom I can freely socialize without getting the common “ignorance” you’ll find in what is generally referred to as the masses. Once you get into the swing of things, the hardest part is finding good people to socialize with who have a completely different stand point than you do - and being open-minded enough to recognize it as a separate standpoint and not just stupidity.

    “Speech is very slow” — Speech is faster than the written word. (But, again, I suppose that depends on who you’re talking to.)

    “…and people generally know almost nothing. They don’t think–they parrot opinions.” — Generally speaking, I really do have to grant you this. However, you can’t confuse generalizations of, once again, ‘the masses’ with ‘most people’ taken individually; I’ve found that most individuals tend to know quite a bit, but perhaps only in a particular given field. So maybe they won’t recognize Shakespeare quotes - other than the very obvious ones, like the one I used above - but they know quite a lot about cars or sports or music: including of course such subjects as history or science with regards to those. I may be misreading you here, but it’s worth saying that you can’t justify calling people stupid because they don’t have what you may deem sufficient knowledge in your field of interest. That seems rather juvenile. But I’ll say again that, generally speaking, yeah people tend to be fairly dumb, but there are a number of historical and social reasons for that too. (i.e., Social manipulation which comes into play to literally downgrade the general intelligence of people so that they’ll be more susceptible to advertising, for instance - which was all intentional, or at least I’m persuaded by the historical work which has been done to suggest that it was all intentional.) I said that last bit to provide an immediate example: there is a distinction to be made between “parroting ideas without thinking about them” and “parroting ideas with thinking about them” and sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference. For example, the case I presented about advertising shows up in various forms in Stuart Ewen and Joseph Shumpeter, to name only two; so am I parroting their ideas, or have I thought about them and considered the various interstices of the conversation and made a rational decision of to which argument(s) seems more persuasive? You really can’t know from a general conversation, and I’ve found that a lot of people will accuse me and others of parroting because I’ll reference a book instead of plagiarizing an idea. Do I have to claim that the idea is mine, or does parroting only refer to the people who stop at the quote? Of course the answer is the latter, and I think that you [Penny] know this, but I think it was worth saying anyways.

    “Most people haven’t read even a thousand books in their entire lives.” — Most people I’ve met haven’t read even a hundred, let alone a thousand - and the majority of those people have read perhaps ten or fifteen, saying that they’ve only read the books they’ve been forced to through school. But this doesn’t mean that those people are stupid (as much as I would honestly like to think so myself). Of course not all information, and certainly not all useful or worthwhile information, is to be found in books. You do need to socialize and to experience things to build a different sort of knowledge and while a balance of the two is best, you can’t ignore one because of a lack of the other - or give one preference. A lot of very book-smart people tend to be very stupid as well.

    “I also Loathe the current popular culture, and I can’t relate to it.” — Do you loathe it because you can’t relate to it, can’t relate to it because you loathe it, or are those descriptions mutually exclusive? I find myself in the same position: I can’t stand popular culture - and I’ve found that sometimes it will crawl onto something I quite enjoy and will tend to suck the life out of it, will make it seem cheapened. A great example that current is something like stop animation, particularly Tim Burton’s “A Nightmare Before Christmas”. It’s some pretty decent stuff, and I enjoy it - although I prefer Starewicz, but that’s a different conversation altogether - but the huge boom in pop culture has given it a rather sour taste now. I hate to say that pop culture has had such an affect on me, but it’s true. But then that doesn’t really matter, in all honestly, because since when does pop culture have anything to do with what is worthwhile - aside from superficially? Being able to relate to popular culture really doesn’t yield as much of an advantage as those ‘masses’ may have you believe; so the commercials are a bit more aggravating, don’t watch TV: that’s another simple solution that worked for me.

    “I would rather read a poem by Spencer, or a play by Euripedes, than hear about Paris Hilton or
    Tom Cruise. I would rather discuss chess than Football. I would rather go home and play some Bach
    on my piano. That makes me calm and sane.” — And all the power to you, there’s no reason that you should forfeit these things to popular culture or that popular culture should conform to those things. As I mentioned above, perhaps if pop culture did conform to your interests they wouldn’t seem as interesting anymore - at least, not without a fight. [And as far as personal preferences go, and to propagate some really great stuff, I quite enjoy Zukofsky’s poetry and I quite like Pirandello [although if we’re going for the Greeks, then Sophocles is my first choice. Chess is, indeed, a great game, and I tend towards playing the violin - but I’ve been planning to get into piano, I just haven’t found the time yet.]

    “I used to think that if I pretended an interest in popular culture, I would be happier and social–but, I have come to to HATE the phonyness of that. I have wasted thousands of hours in the attempt to be social.” — Yeah, that’s definitely not worth the trouble. Happiness has very little to do with being popularly social and far more to do with participating in the things that you find worthwhile. That sounds like a bad self-help book, but it’s true.

    “The worst part of it, is the feeling that I don’t fit in the world. Most likely, I just don’t fit in Suburbia.” — Fitting into the world doesn’t mean you have to fit into any specific social group; in fact, I would say that “fitting in” is a very bad misconception as to what is ‘proper’ action to feel good. Especially if you have an introverted leaning, the worst thing to do is to try and conform so some superficially, and seemingly arbitrary, version of what you ‘ought’ to be. This goes back to one point made in the article, and scattered throughout some of the comments, that is very true: the world has been made largely by, and largely for, more extroverted people. To be honest, I think that as far as the modern world goes this goes back to the bit about advertising; more introverted people tend to spend more time churning things over in their heads and considering all of the “ifs ands or buts” while the extroverted people tend to be a bit more impulsive. It makes perfect sense, then, that advertising would be made to appeal to those people who are more impulsive than people who would take longer to consider what they’re being presented with. So in commercials and the like you’ll have people in very openly social circumstances with big smiles on their faces and messages like, “this is where the party is” or “be free” or “______ will make you happy” because those experiences appeal to the wider audience and will be more effective in such a format. So, being an introvert, you indeed wouldn’t fit into that social sphere, nor would you be as easily persuaded by such fronts. That is where, I believe at least, a lot of discomfort and feelings of being ostracized probably come from; the ’social realm’ just isn’t built for people that play chess and piano or read books that are hundreds or thousands of years old. Oh well.

    I’ll submit again that I hope someone found some use of this - even just as another rather general beginning to a bigger set of conversations. I’ve bookmarked the site and will probably check back from time to time, so if anyone wants to continue and section of the conversation with me, feel free to do so - but be patient for a response because between school, work and my hobbies I’m a busy fellow. If not then that’s cool too. I suppose looking back up the only thing left to say is, “so much for brevity”, but despite what some non-regular-readers may think or feel, I actually did cut myself short on nearly every point - and to those regular readers among us, I do apologize for cutting the ideas short, and also for speaking/writing in a rather jumpy manner.

    Regards,
    Dan M (and, just in case, I put the “M” in there so as to be distinguished from another “Dan” who had been posting previously).

    “Some savage faculty for observation told him that most respectable and estimable people usually had a lot of books in their houses.” - Flann O’Brien

  101. My Uncool Dead Serious No Funny Shit Linkdump « Darkly Dreaming David Says:

    […] Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts […]

  102. Fallon Says:

    Sadly, most extroverts probably wouldn’t even take the time to read this whole article!

  103. Nothing Wrong With Being an Introvert « Musings of a Random Nature Says:

    […] Nothing Wrong With Being an Introvert This is an insightful article on introverts. There really is nothing wrong with them. Or should I say … us. Yep, no brainer for those who know me. I am an introvert. I do like people. I do like being with people. I do like parties. But I do need to pull away to recharge. I like being alone sometimes. I’m glad that God made introverts and extroverts. I have found a couple of folks that seem to think that the introvert side is broken. I think not. What do you think? […]

  104. joe johnson Says:

    wow you did an awesome job writing that its totally me. You should of gone more in depth on how introverts are more sensitive to outside stimuli while extroverts need to find stimulus elsewhere. Introverts notice more things they like challenging strategic games and the internet. We despise smalltalk because its such bullshit waste of time introverts like things that actually matter to them. Also introverts also can choose to appear extroverted if they want to but as you said for a short period of time. All my friends are extroverts I guess they would have to be or else we would rarely bother talkign to each other :p. I think introversion may have been partially passed down to me because when I was a kid my parents said I didn’t talk much. Also I saw the one introvert saying he was a night person which is true for me to since there are less distractions making it easier to concentrate.

  105. You Should Know Better :: Blog Archive » You can’t just hop a plane Says:

    […] Cool Stuff: Human LCD (video) Crazy moving but not moving optical illusion (pic) Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts - Pretty decent article. Read it, and then you will understand why I can’t hang out with you for more than a few hours at a time without losing my shit. :) […]

  106. Brian Kim Says:

    missy
    You bring up some very interesting points and they’re certainly valid. Thanks for sharing those with us!

    Tony
    Thank you very much for your kind words. It’s always nice to be appreciated for your work.

    With regard to the grammatical oddities, you’re spot on when you mention that they’re probably related to the way I speak. In fact, that’s the way I try to write all my articles!

    Thanks again for the kind words and thank you for passing the article on.

    Personal trainer
    Thank you very much for your kind words. I’m really glad you got what you were looking for from this article.

    Stan
    Thank you very much for your kind words as well. It’s good to see that you feel relieved and I think a lot of people reading this will be able to identify wholeheartedly with everything you wrote.

    Joe
    Thanks in advance for sending the article as well.

    Mayze
    Always nice to know the work is appreciated! Thank you very much for letting me know that. And thank you also for sharing your experiences with us. I think many people will nod their head in agreement after reading about the experiences and thoughts you’ve written.

    Dan M.
    What can I say? Thank you very much for taking the time to write your thoughts on the article and also your thoughts on Penny’s remarks. It’s clear that you’ve definitely put a lot of time and thought into what you wanted to say.

    Joe Johnson
    Thank you very much for your kind words and for sharing your thoughts on the article.

  107. Dan M Says:

    Brian Kim:

    One of the problems with the article - and I say this with the evidence of a number of comments - is that whenever people read an article that defines some aspect of character (i.e., a human aspect) they will identify with it to a greater and lesser extent. What I mean to say is that you will have, and I’m sure have already had, people claiming to be an introvert because they have a few common qualities with the “introvert” described in the article. I think it’s also important to point out that just because you don’t like parties or small-talk doesn’t make you an introvert; these are common attributes that are useful to help describe introversion, not the definition of it. For instance, I can’t stand parties, crowds, people, small-talk, or even distracting noises; but I’m a good public speaker and can go on for an extended period of time, I’m certainly outgoing in a silly sort of way usually considered exclusive to extroverts, and I just generally socialize a lot. Likewise, I know people who identify with being extroverts and they have many apparently “introverted” qualities.

    I just want to stress again the idea that no one is an “introvert” or an “extrovert” but a combination, so some extent, of both. There is gray area inbetween the two that makes up human character, not the extremes. Mannerisms don’t define intro- or extroversion but they are simply a useful example of the two. I have been labeled by others as an introvert, but that’s not to say I am in some ways very extroverted. There isn’t a clear line drawn between the two in reality because the way human relationship works is incredibly complicated.

    As for my earlier comment, it didn’t take me very long to write nor was I thinking very much about it at the time - but I’ve put a lot of time into thinking about similar topics over the past few years: ideas of characterization, social influence, social history, and especially relationship. So those certainly did lend a hand in my thoughts about introverted and extroverted people.

    Regards,
    Dan M

  108. Esotericas Says:

    Dan M: As an extrovert who inevitably feels inadequate (and a bit useless) in light of the introvert’s self-sufficience, thanx for trying to explain & dispell some of the notions that introverts might have of extroverts. I am shocked to find that folks would consider introverts deficient in some way…clearly the person who is independent & capable of functioning just as well without me as they do with me is far superior to me, who on the flipside NEEDS support & companionship. It strikes me that perhaps extroverts who attack introverts are jealous of how much better adjusted the introvert is. So much more efficient.

  109. Dan M Says:

    Esotericas:

    Thank-you, being an academic student I’ve made a habit of trying to find some even ground in any conversation; although I’ll certainly admit to being biased myself from time to time - or perhaps even more often than that.

    If you take into consideration that humans are indeed mammals, then the reasons that extroverts may give introverts a hard time becomes a bit more evident. The large majority of mammals [perhaps arguably all mammals] work in communities, so it’s a completely natural phenomena that people, too, have communities; it would seem altogether unnatural for anyone to be completely outside of a community, so when introverts play their social game of hard-to-get it probably strikes extroverts as rather odd. Keep in mind that introverts need people as well, but in some different ways than extroverts do - and some same ways too.

    One benefit of being an extrovert, for example, is that you probably more readily accept amendments to your ideas or are better at incorporating a larger group of ideas from different people which helps give a far more comprehensive look at something. A very good set-up for a group setting may be for an introvert to think up a sort of groundwork for a project and a group of extroverts to build on that and make it pliable to fit in more situations for a greater range of people. I hate to sound cheesy, I really do, but when it comes right down to it there isn’t an easy better-or-worse sort of answer and we all need each other to help in different ways. Extroverts need to learn to be more independent perhaps, and introverts probably need to learn to better accept criticism and external input. You certainly seem quite modest, so I suspect you don’t have the “obnoxious” archetype of extroverts, haha.

    Regards,
    Dan M

  110. Peter Says:

    Dan M said: “when introverts play their social game of hard-to-get it probably strikes extroverts as rather odd.”

    I’m not hard to get… I’m extremely easy to get… :) If you approach me the right way that is :)
    I might not be energizer-bunny-let’s-go-party-every-night BUT I’m not hard to get.

    Also… there is NO conflict between Extroverts and Introverts, no conflict AT ALL. As a matter of fact heaven is an interaction between an Introvert and Extrovert… unfortunately so is hell.

    The problem comes down to functions… if the Extrovert’s Leading Function happens to be the Introvert’s PoLR (Point of Least resistance) or as it is called Vulnerable Function you’ll get hell. But if his/hers Leading Function ends up being the Introvert’s Suggestive function you’ll get heaven .

  111. Matt Says:

    Thank you for the informative and well thought out article. Keep up your use of solitary writing to start a public discussion. The perfect way for introverts and extroverts to mingle.

  112. Dan M Says:

    Peter:

    I was speaking very tongue-in-cheek there, I thought it was obvious but perhaps I should have clarified.

    In theory there’s little or no conflict between introverts and extroverts, but when you look at it practically there certainly are conflicts. Perhaps you’ve been lucky enough to avoid conflict, but they absolutely exist and it’s rather naive to deny that outright. For the majority of my life I’ve had more extroverted people picking on me for being less outwardly social than them; now, that’s not to say there is a conflict between the two extremes qua their definition, but real social situations don’t work like math. People don’t engender the extremes, they never do: so whenever you’re talking about strictly “introverted” or “extroverted” qualities keep in mind you’re talking about terms, not people. When you add people - and thus the various interstices I had mentioned earlier - in gets far more complicated and conflict is inevitable.

    The heaven and hell analogy is ambiguous. What do you mean by “Leading”, “Vulnerable” and “Suggestive” functions respectively?

    Regards,
    Dan M

  113. Esotericas Says:

    Peter: I disagree that there is no conflict between an introvert & an extrovert. If I may use a personal analogy, I am very much in love with an introvert. Wonderful individual, we have been together for years. They have seen me through rough times.

    For instance, putting down a cherished pet of mine. I balled my eyes out & leaned on them for support to get through. On the flip side, they recently had a cherished family pet die unexpectedly. I very much wanted to be able to be there for them as they have always been for me. But they don’t work like that. They didn’t cry. They didn’t talk about it. I wanted to help, but I felt useless & like I had hit a brick wall.

    Hence, conflict. Hence why I read this article and made my initial comment. It IS heaven being with this person, but the differences between introverts & extroverts can cause confusion & difficulties at times.

  114. Peter Says:

    Dan M said: “What do you mean by “Leading”, “Vulnerable” and “Suggestive” functions respectively?”

    http://socionics.us/theory/model.shtml

    Esotericas said: “I disagree that there is no conflict between an introvert & an extrovert”

    What I meant was that there is no need to consider that there will be conflict just because one of them is introvert and the other is extrovert. The best relationship in my view is between an introvert and an extrovert. :)

  115. Esotericas Says:

    Peter: Thank you for linking that socionics site, but glancing at it I’m still lost. Would you mind summing up what you mean in laymen terms for those of us not familiar enough with the concepts to make much sense of that page easily/quickly? Perhaps explain & use an example to help clarify, if you wouldn’t mind.

    Oh, and I think communication barriers that can easily arise from an introvert disinclined to share inner thoughts & an extrovert who spews inner thoughts at strangers (or mere acquaintances) could count as a general conflict that will occur (in most cases) Certainly something that can be worked through, but I do think that conflict, in MOST cases, will occur via miscommunication by default.

    (I spent hours being perfectly quiet last night. It about killed me. I’m a talkaholic.)

  116. Peter Says:

    Esotericas, I cannot be any more explicative than the intro page:
    http://socionics.us/intro.shtml
    Rick (the owner of that site) did a great job already summing it up.

    Basically socionics is a theory of the human psyche, of its development and especially about its specialization or differentiation. It has some common ground with MBTI but differs greatly in the way it completes C.G. Jung theory of psychotypes.

    It is a rather complex field but I believe one worthy of exploration. ;)

  117. Dan M Says:

    Peter:

    Ah, thanks for the clarification.

    Myself, I don’t presume there will be conflict because one is an introvert and one is an extrovert; I presume there will be conflict because they are two mutually independent people in a relationship. You will inevitably and necessarily run into conflict, although how you decide to deal with the conflict certainly decides the extent to which it affects the relationship and the measure of the conflict itself.

    I think it’s rather presumptuous, however, to say that an introvert/extrovert relationship is the best combination. I’ll reiterate that people are not simply “introverted” or “extroverted” but they are somewhere in between the two extremes - more introverted or more extroverted. What makes the best relationship is perhaps more along the lines of being open and communicative with each other (even introverts) and having a sense of humility - for starters. One problem that often comes up whenever you study something is that you always tend to assume that whatever the subject is is more important, or perhaps more prevalent, than some other subject; I don’t think that whether or not someone is introverted or extroverted has much at all to do with the success of a relationship. Whether or not certain attributes of introversion or extroversion hold positive or negative standing in their various combinations for a relationship is another problem, but not one that is exclusively within the bounds of the character types.

    Nearly all fields are complex enough with their various sets of jargon, I find if I run into problems it’s almost always because a common word is being defined in different ways for different disciplines. I’ve always found psychology to be an incredibly (and maybe increasingly) shifty subject of study to put much faith into, especially when it gets into behavioral or relational “sciences”. I don’t mean to entirely rule it out, but it needs to be balanced by something. Take for example Socionics: it’s great that you have all these various terms for things, but I don’t think you can simplify anything to do with the psyche to that extent - at least not successfully - because you’ll stop dealing with people and actual behavior and start dealing with the terms and abstract ideas.

    Regards,
    Dan M

  118. Peter Says:

    Dan said: “I don’t think you can simplify anything to do with the psyche to that extent - at least not successfully - because you’ll stop dealing with people and actual behavior and start dealing with the terms and abstract ideas.”

    Well, maybe you cannot simplify to the point that you can predict every move of that person. BUT you can determine the general attitude of certain people, especially if they have properly developed their ID functions… Prediction on the lines of high probability for certain things. For example… if you put 2 Conflicting persons together they have a high probability for conflict. It doesn’t mean that they will jump from the start to each other’s necks BUT when you analyze their tendency over a longer period of time you will see lots of conflicts. The same with good relationships… you might not see the 2 falling in love instantly BUT if you analyze the relationship over time you will find more good times than bad…

    Socionics is not Mathematics… is not precise… is more like Meteorology. ;) Sometime imprecise but in general lines rather accurate.

  119. Esotericas Says:

    Peter: I understand that it is a complex field, but I just want to understand what:

    “The problem comes down to functions… if the Extrovert’s Leading Function happens to be the Introvert’s PoLR (Point of Least resistance) or as it is called Vulnerable Function you’ll get hell. But if his/hers Leading Function ends up being the Introvert’s Suggestive function you’ll get heaven.”

    Actually means. Could you replace “leading function”, “vulnerable function” & “suggestive function” with simpler terms?

    I see that “leading function” means “strong mental accepting” & “vulnerable function” means “weak mental producing” & “suggestive function” means “weak vital accepting”, but that does nothing to clarify what your comment means. I realize that some of the depth could get lost in simplifying, but I really would like to get some grasp of what you meant without having to take a Socionics course ;-P

  120. blork blog » Blog Archive » I am an introvert (here’s what you should know) Says:

    […] Via Darkly Dreaming David, I found this list of “Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts.” I would say that introverts should know it too, as some of us are not fully aware that it’s OK to be an introvert. Know thyself, introvert, so you don’t have to feel bad about not wanting to go para-sailing every goddam weekend. […]

  121. Dan M Says:

    Peter:

    That’s part of what I’ve been saying. You have to observe the actual people instead of just dealing with abstract terms otherwise the terms are entirely useless to describe the people. The problem that arises is a question as to whether or not the terms provide any valuable use at all. Generally new terms are good to give a general idea a specific name, but it goes to further pull away anyone that uses those terms from the actual subject at hand - which you have to consult anyways.

    Ok, so if you observe different relationships over an extended period of time some will have more conflict than others: no-brainer. But you can’t say that one relationship had more conflict because you have two introverts or two extroverts as opposed to another relationship that had one of each and less conflict, or whatever combination agrees with the statistics: success in a relationship is far more complicated than that. That’s why I’ve been saying since my first post here that people are not strictly introverted or extroverted, they’re all the varieties in between too. Aside from that, more factors play into the schema of a relationship than the functions you mentioned.

    This whole time when you’ve been referring to “conflict” have you meant that relationship that has more conflict than not? I, and I believe Esotericas as well, have been defining it in terms of conflict generally that exists in relationships, not necessarily a predominantly conflicted relationship.

    When I referred to math I was talking about your comment: “if the Extrovert’s Leading Function happens to be the Introvert’s PoLR … you’ll get hell. But if his/hers Leading Function ends up being the Introvert’s Suggestive function you’ll get heaven”. You can’t just plug characteristics into a sort of equation and expect an answer that you can use seriously (mathematically precise or not, the principle is still generally the same). People are simply far more complex than that: there are exceptions to nearly every rule, and then those exceptions will multiply randomly with all of the other exceptions into a mess that doesn’t make any sense given what is “known” or “assumed”. All you’ll end up with is a bunch of relationships that don’t follow the expected result and a few that do; a fatal mistake that a lot of people in the past have made is to disregard those that don’t follow the equation as anomalies. If it cannot describe and account for all of the data, then you don’t have a science and it’s a failed theory: one problem with psychology is that it tries to be and not be a science at the same time. It tries to make scientific claims without scientific support: or to give an answer to a question that is ambiguous or to which some factors are unknown. Our case here, I think, probably falls into the latter category - or maybe both.

    That’s my bias, anyways.

    Regards,
    Dan M

  122. Luggage Says:

    great piece I’m going to have my family and friends read this.
    I hate that are you okay is something wrong question? yes, something is wrong, you keep asking me if I’m okay now quit bugging me or say something interesting already ;)

    ow and I saw one comment that the tube tells you that shy is not wanting to date, talk (to us) meaningless (to us) empty chit chat and ’socialize’ (in that fashion) then either your channels are really, really bad or you are misunderstanding your tube.

    Shy is when you feel uncomfortable, even nervous talking to people and being around many people which might lead to behaviour that seems introvert but with being shy it’s because socializing can be a very unpleasurable experience.
    Introvered people aren’t shy and do not feel uncomfortable socializing. They are simply not interested. Perhaps if some meaningful, insightful, smart or vaguely interesting topic is being talked about but not the meaningful ongoing chit chat, “do youlike my new shoes”, (introverted person thinks to him or herself ‘I don’t care about new shoes.. yawn.. will this ever end’, replies: “do YOU like your new shoes, that’s the only thing that should matter isn’t it?”.

    all in meant in good spirit, kind regards.
    David

    ‘I’m an introvert, no nothing is wrong with me and no I don’t want to go to a party filled with extroverts, go have fun already. I’ll see you later.’

  123. Peter Says:

    Dan M:
    From your answers I can already predict that you are a judgemental (rational) type.
    What I said about heaven and hell is related to probability. For example… if you cross the street at green light for pedestrians you are generally safe. But still, there are sufficient cases of people dying in such conditions… This doesn’t means that is not safe to cross the street at green.

    Esotericas:
    To give you an idea… a person with extraverted logic “essentially treats facts and data as external, autonomous objects (emphasizing facts, details, principles, algorithms, and the act of expressing them), while introverted logic perceives data in the context of its structure and organization (emphasizing constructions, models, proper organization of data, outlines, systems, and structures)”

    I would love someone who help me organize my things… organization in context… but I would simply hate someone who will treat the things important to me as irrelevant… “emphasizing facts, details, principles, algorithms”

    Extraverted logic is my vulnerable function and introverted logic my mobilizing function… I would be excited by organization within my context and simply very annoyed by someone trying to put the things as they “need to be”.

  124. Dan M Says:

    Peter:

    I am, indeed, a rational type, but nearly everyone comes to that conclusion without the first few minutes of talking to me. Hell, even the way I structure my sentences and use syntax gives me away as rational - although neither are particularly fancy or well-thought-out here because I’m writing fairly colloquially.

    I understand probability. A human relationship and crossing the street when the light says its safe are two completely different types of probability; in the latter, people follow strictly regimented and universally known traffic laws, but there are no such “traffic” laws in human relationship, it’s all up in the air. Even if you take something as seemingly simple as “when someone is angry, don’t bug them more” isn’t necessarily always the case: why are they angry? who or what acted in such a way, or didn’t act in such a way, to warrant such emotion? is the emotion warranted to begin with? …shall I go on? You never have to ask, why is the traffic light suddenly green? What can I do to help? … that’s ridiculous. When you’re dealing with an independently rational (whether or not the ‘rational type’) conscious “free” being, you don’t have the freedom to apply rules of probability in the same way you do to machines that are built to act in very specific ways.

    Now, I’m well aware of the large and ongoing social experiment of Capitalism using advertising to make people as predictable as possible so that they can literally fit into algorithms set up by various corporations to figure out approximately how much money they can make given a number or variables set up in different ways, but that’s very different. That uses a number of different, and very specific, sorts of manipulation over a very long period of time (decades) to structure social systems in a way that in beneficial for the company. It’s common knowledge that we, in the West, live in a market-society. One of my favourite quotes to throw around in glib conversation about Capitalism is from the end of the Preface to Stuart Ewen’s book ‘Captains of Consciousness: Advertising and the Social Roots of Consumer Culture,’ “[Industrial Businessmen] looked to move beyond their nineteenth-century characterization as captians of industry towards a position in which they could control the entire social realm. They aspired to become captains of consciousness.” The important difference that I want to point out, and the reason I brought this up, is that in order to make people fall into their various algorithms and sets of probability, these “aspiring captains of consciousness” had to sever the relational bonds between humans - even within the home. People can be very predictable when you study them over long period of time alone, but when you get two or more together, it is an entirely different story. (Of course from here can stem any number of conversations regarding the effects of severing these relationships, one of the most prevalent being some of the seemingly quite popular forms of escapism and the like. But that’s beside the point.)

    In your reply to Esotericas, you separated extroverted and introverted types of logic: but both are used in any rational discourse.

    Dan M

    p.s. On a side note, my mention of algorithms and principles and what not is by no means an attempt to ‘get at’ your vulnerable function - I didn’t read that until after I had written the majority of my post. It seems to me, although I’ve only spent the last few seconds thinking on it, so perhaps more thought will change this, that the “extroverted logic” in the more specific details often included in the “introverted logic”. Perhaps introverts are more apt to look at the “bigger picture” and miss the details, while the extroverts are more keen to look at all the details and miss the bigger picture. This strikes me as rather odd because it’s common assumption, in my experience with the things people assume at any rate, that introverts tend more to look at the details while extroverts miss them for the big picture. That’s kind of funny, actually. Anyways, I have to go write a Latin test. Hooray!

  125. Peter Says:

    Dan,

    Introverted Logic does not equates introverted person. I know it sound funny but you must consider that each person has 2 functions in the ID bloc, one introverted and one extroverted. So you could have a SLE (Sensory Logical Extrovert) that has Ti(Introverted logic) as the Creative function.

    For me “attention to details” would be first and above all a rational person.
    If you want to find more about this… check this article:
    http://socionist.blogspot.com/2007/08/rationality-and-irrationality.html
    I believe is great.

  126. Dan M Says:

    Peter:

    I suppose that makes some sense, although it would make more sense if they changed the terms from “introverted” and “extroverted” to avoid confusion. But I would say the same thing about that entire chart: it makes some sense, and it’s not useless, but it’s not enough to encompass the human psyche. Over 2500 years of recorded study and that’s what they come up with? Doesn’t seem very persuasive at all to me.

    I wasn’t a big fan of that article. The definitions seem rather vague and not very well thought-out. Similar to the strict definitions of “introvert” and “extrovert”, it isn’t talking about ‘real’ people but abstract terms that define extremes. There isn’t any significant problem with that as long as it’s understood that they are indeed extremes and ‘real’ people in fact generally fall somewhere in between the two (I certainly exhibit parts of both), but the article has no indication of that.

    If I’m going to be using “rational” to describe myself under that definition then there would certainly have to be some amendments made to it. The rational schema that I follow intentionally has very little to do with the various norms in society; in fact much of the moral constructions I have are based in research criticizing modern society and thus acting against that. In order to live within these conflicting structures (the moral narrative and the social narrative) I use a two-tiered existential rational construction. It sounds more complicated then it is: in the basis of it all, I take existentialism insofar as it allows free room to create a personal narrative separated from the general aims and direction of society, at least the parts that I don’t like (to make a long story short), and input my own - which is where my use of existentialism ends for a number of reasons. So even that very generalized description of the method I’ve used is both Rational and Irrational according to the definitions in the article. It’s a good start, but unfortunately it’s rather insufficient - of course, short articles usually are only ever good starts and hardly ever quite sufficient for a proper look at anything.

    Dan M

    EDIT: While scrolling down I realized in my last post that in the first line I said “without” where I should have said “within”. I’m sure there are numerous other mistakes, but I haven’t read over it again: type and post, I don’t take time out to edit my glib comments on the web unless it’s a painful mistake I happen to catch like the one I corrected here.

  127. Juillet Says:

    We obviously have the potential for both, but lean towards one or the other.
    I am extremely introverted and I loved this article since it described me so well. I know you shouldn’t assume you are the only one feeling some way. But I thought it was just so weird of me to feel relived when some social situation that’s going really well is over. I’m good for a while but I need a break, time away from people. This was just so perfectly described what it’s like, I feel like sending to my friends now.

  128. Is Your Child Shy, An Introvert Or Both? | Better Parenting University Blog Says:

    […] I recently came across a blog post by Brian Kim, titled: Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts. […]

  129. Innie or Outie? « rubberchickens Says:

    […] Sunday, October 28th, 2007 in Uncategorized Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Do you know? I found an interesting article titled “Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts“. […]

  130. Prasanna S Says:

    Nice article. From what I observed, I mostly an introvert, but I can give good speeches in toastmasters, generally don’t get involved in gossips and conversations which may be of little use to any of the participants, but being alone makes me tp focus on the goals, make a clear plan, etc. But sometimes I feel the need to socialize as the saying goes “No Man is an Island”.

  131. Brian Kim Says:

    Matt,

    Thank you very much for the kind words. I really appreciate it and of course, I will continue to write.

    Luggage,

    Thank you as well for the kind words. I’m sure a lot of introverts will be able to relate to your bit about the shoe conversation, albeit a little harsh but like you said, all in good fun ;)

    Juillet,

    I’m so glad the article was able to describe you so well. Feel free to send it to all your friends!

    Prasanna,

    You’re absolutely right. No man is his own island indeed!

  132. Napka’s Top Science » Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts Says:

    […] read more | digg story […]

  133. John Says:

    The big thing that this author misses is that extraversion/introversion is not a two-way classification. Rather, it’s a continuum. And like most human characteristics, most people are somewhere in the middle of this continuum. Meaning that yes, there *are* people who don’t lean either way.

    Here’s a possible explanation for introversion: Introverts find social situations stressful. This explains their need to “recharge”, and also their lack of interest in small talk. Small talk is basically socializing for the sake of socializing.

    They may also exhibit a general lack of curiosity about most strangers. I find that my curiosity about others is a big part of the impulse that causes me to start conversations with strangers.

  134. Brian Kim Says:

    John,

    Thanks for your comments.

    You bring up some good points!

  135. Dan M Says:

    John:

    Even though, indeed, as has been covered in earlier comments, no one lies in the “extremes” of extroversion or introversion, I’m not so sure people ‘don’t lean either way’; as helpful as it can be to think of it as a line with either end defining extro/introversion, that’s not to say that the middle is neither, but both. Someone who has both extroverted and introverted qualities “lean” in either direction based on different situations and variables - so they do still lean towards one or the other, just not necessarily one more than the other taking their experience wholly. But whether or not people can be in the middle is a moot argument anyways.

    I don’t think that introverts necessarily find social situations stressful at all - maybe some of them, but extroverts certainly get stressed from social situations as well. I think that introverts (and being one, I have something to say about it) just don’t feel the need to interact socially with people as much as extroverts do; they don’t necessarily actively avoid social situations (that would be more towards the “anti-social” personality trait) but they just don’t bother looking for them or starting them up.

    There will always be some level of curiosity about other people, and the implication that getting into conversations with them as the sole marker of that curiosity - or the only way to relieve that curiosity - is ridiculous. I find that one method I find myself using often enough is “people-watching” - which, I would argue, gives a much more honest set of answers to questions you may have. A curiosity is there, but introverts simply solve those factors or issues differently.

    Being extroverted or introverted has far less to do with the internal reactions people have than the external actions they exhibit. An extrovert or an introvert may feel exactly the same way about a situation, the only difference being that they go about dealing with it in different ways.

    Regards,
    Dan

  136. The Nerd Handbook. « info-ninja Says:

    […] Next girl I meet I will make her read The Nerd Handbook and Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts. « You should meet some one. […]

  137. Someone Says:

    Many suggested here extroverts will not look at the article. I’m an exception then. ;-) I believe some of them are curious and care about their introverted friends.. I’m highly interested in the subject as well as Socionics. And I really suffer myself from a small talk. Especially when I urged to have that with my friend on the internet in real time. I sense he bored with this as much as I am.. But any new subject to discuss will soon turned off.. He likes me, but what with the conversation? I’m not going to annoy him with things he doesn’t like to discuss, but what then he likes instead of politics and economics and poker games?.. :-)

  138. Introvert v Extrovert « Life is but a Journey Says:

    […] Introvert v Extrovert 19 11 2007 Have you ever wonder what does these 2 terms meant? An introvert has always been assoiciated with the term anti-social, loner or even arrogant, whereas An extrovert as always be regarded as outgoing, sociable and popular. Is it true this? How do you handle an introvert is you are an extrovert or how do you handle an extrovert if you are an introvert. Find it very amusing and yet very true about this article click here. It really help to explain the differences and how to handle. […]

  139. Cross cultural differences between people from the same culture : Introverts and extroverts | Fili’s world Says:

    […] A few weeks ago, I think about two months, I came across this wonderful article called “Top 5 things every extrovert should know about introverts“. I remember that long ago, parting from my development team before moving to a different position, I was trying to live up to my high-rank officer role by talking to the team about the famous MBTI personality test, playing around with having them think about who they are and how they relate to one another. At the end of that session they all asked me what I thought I was and I asked in return that they guess. I was quite surprised when they all guessed that I was an extrovert, and they were all quite surprised when I told them I believe I better fit the description of an introvert: […]

  140. The Croatian Thread 2 - Page 48 - kittyradio.com Says:

    […] nadjoh ovaj link - Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts - tu na soapboxu. hell yeah to cu si na majicu staviti. all of it. […]

  141. 山水郎 » 五項外向的人應知道內向的人的事 Says:

    […] Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts […]

  142. Lily Says:

    Wow! You must really be striking a chord to get so many passionate responses. I was searching for some encouragement after finding out I am mostly introverted when I came across your article. Thank you SO much for posting these!
    Your article helped me to understand myself better, and hopefully by sharing it others will benefit greatly as well. From my perspective, your writing is thoughtful,impartial, respectful, insightful, and refreshing. Definitely beneficial. I have so many questions, but you may answer them in other articles, so I’ll wait & perhaps post them at a later time. Sincerest thanks.

  143. Brian Kim Says:

    Lily,

    Thank you so much for your comments and for your kind words about the writing. I really appreciate it!

    I must’ve struck a chord somewhere just like you said judging from all the comments on the article and I’m glad that it’s proven to be fodder for discussion not just on this site, but everywhere in general - online and off.

    I’m so glad to hear the article helped you understand yourself better. I’m sure that there are others out there who were in your position before and I hope that the article gets to them in some way shape or form and that it has the same effect on them as it has had on you.

    I hope the other articles will be able to answer whatever questions you may have, but if not, feel free to post them.

    Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and feeling on the article.

  144. bob villala Says:

    Introverts are so cool! I love introverts, being extraverted is like being drunk…
    fun for a little while, but gets old fast…

  145. Dr. Barry Levine Says:

    Here are some other concepts to consider:
    We are all born somewhere on the continuum between each extreme of introversion and extroversion. No one is totally one extreme or the other, but leans more one way than the other. Where we are born on this continuum is where we die. We do not become more introverted. We do not become more extroverted, though we can learn to become more functional as an introvert or extrovert.
    It is easy to tell, early on, whether a person is introverted or extroverted. Observe the kids on the first day of pre-school. One group of kids goes out and plays. They don’t know the rules. They don’t want to know the rules. They see the rules as limiting them. They are the extroverts. The other group of kids sits back and observes. They want to know what the guidelines are and whether they have the ability to participate within those guidelines. Once they understand these things, they go out and play just as effectively as anyone else. They are the introverts. The key to introversion vs extroversion is not shyness vs outgoing, it is thriving on structure vs feeling limited by structure. Often times, introverts see themselves as extroverts, when they are just functional within their structure.
    Introverts need structure. They usually don’t care whether the structure comes from them, others or the situation. If they know that they will talk with their partner on the phone every Tuesday from 8pm-10pm, they will comfortably go about their business the rest of their week, knowing where they fit in and where they stand and having this special time to look forward to.
    An introvert going to a non-structured party where they don’t know anyone will be a wallflower. Let’s say that introvert is into magic. This person stands in the corner doing magic tricks. Pretty soon, that person is the center of attention, the life of the party. That doesn’t make that person an extrovert.
    If you take an extrovert to a field of wild flowers they will say “Wow, nice, now what?” They are always looking for something bigger and better, valuing extremes. If you take an introvert to that field of wild flowers, the introvert can study one flower for a long time. Introverts are more into subtleties, which makes them less likely to get bored. In a relationship between an introvert and an extrovert, introverts may do many subtle things, but a stimulus must reach a certain threshold before an extrovert can become aware of its existence.
    Often, opposites attract. People are intrigued by opposites and hopeful that some of those qualities will rub off on them. Unfortunately, we also tend to be threatened by opposites, fearful that we will be sucked in and lose ourselves. We usually don’t gain in ability by being with someone who is extremely adept at that ability, as we tend to rely on their expertise and just feel more and more inadequate, in comparison, as time goes by.
    Relationships between introverts and extroverts aren’t impossible, but challenging. Extroverts need to allow or provide some structure without feeling it limits them. Introverts need to understand that extroverts cannot be limited or controlled. The more an introvert understands where they fit in a relationship, the more comfortable they feel. When they don’t understand where they fit in, they push for structure, which others see as clinging and control. The more an introvert attempts to control an extrovert, the more the extrovert will work to destabilize the introvert’s structure. Sometimes, two introverts together can be a challenge, if each relies on a different structure and those structures are in conflict with each other.
    While introverts will never be totally comfortable without structure, they can become extremely functional once they have discovered and developed what works for them.
    By learning to understand and appreciate the differences between introverts and extroverts, we learn to be more comfortable with others and ourselves. By being aware of how people deal with structure, we can interact with them in a more positive and productive manner.

  146. Valencia tendrá que esperar « No me puedo permitir ser ignorante Says:

    […] Escribo porque una amiga me ha pasado este artículo sobre todo aquello que las personas extrovertidas no entienden acerca de las personas introvertidas y me ha parecido fantástico. Realmente da en el clavo. Como dijo la madre de mi amiga, “no han descubierto la sopa de ajo precisamente”, pero la de malentendidos que he tenido a lo largo de mi vida porque la gente es incapaz de entender que las personas introvertidas no odiamos a todo el mundo, que simplemente tenemos una manera de ser y unas necesidades distintas… Lectura recomendada, tanto para los extrovertidos que no entendéis que no todo el mundo sea como vosotros como para los introvertidos, para daros argumentos para la próxima vez que se os ocurra decirle a alguien que no os apetece salir y se abra otra vez la caja de Pandora. […]

  147. Brian Kim Says:

    Dr. Barry Levine,

    Thank you very much for your thoughts on the matter. You make some very interesting and valid points and present things from a different perspective that I’m sure both sides will be able to relate and agree upon.

    Thanks for taking the time to think and write all that out.

  148. I didn’t get the job becuase I’m an introvert. « info-ninja Says:

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  149. Bits and pieces » ryara Says:

    […] And then a pair of personality related articles: a few things you should know about introverts (that’s me). And also a comparison, if you will, of the Wide/Deep personality types. […]

  150. Reff Says:

    I’m an introvert and i am NOT shy!

    I just don’t like being in the huge crowd. Four to five people at max for me. Hell i’m not afraid meeting someone new, or socializing with others, but i don’t like being with them for too long.

    This article is… well… dead accurate for me. It fits my description 100%. Thank you for writing this.

    As for introvert/extrovert problem, i’ve had it back in sydney in 2004-2005, where i was rejected by extroverts in my social group for being “unique and quiet”, while the others are party people etc.

    This article answers my problem back then and i can tell them about our differences.

  151. XI The Hermit Says:

    Recently I have fallen into one of my friendship-lethal recharge phases. I do not know why it happens, I suddenly can’t stand to entertain friends. I feel better if I have brief encounters and I don’t want to bother with people for hours. Depending on person and circumstances these times can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few months.

    I have always been introverted and fairly aware of the fact. As a baby I wasn’t the fussy type, in elementary school and throughout my childhood I had trouble retaining friendships (at the time I didn’t understand why). I began to believe I was apathetic and simply got bored of people. My parents told me I was just independent and they often tried to make me socialize. I’ve been called names and scowled at, for my disinterest, by my family. (I’ve been called anti-social, zombie and such) As a matter of fact they continue to scowl me for “my attitude”, which apparently means I’m not smiling like a idiot, happy to go play in the play pin with strangers. In various tests and quizzes I’ve taken, I’ve been anywhere from 60-100% introverted depending on my mood and the test.

    I do not know how people are using “introvert” and I got the impression that the term was being used, in this case, to describe more than a simple social preference. I read a few postings by other introverts, though I’m prone to want to be given evidence… they seem to believe this article describe them well and I have to agree. Even socializing with one friend can get tiresome. It’s like 50% of my energy is always dedicated to internal thinking. The remaining energy is what I can work with externally. It is abnormal for the external world to get a full half of my energy. Let’s say a normal day would be like 5% goes to computer, 10% goes to school, 20% goes to reading, writing, drawing and/or study of a topic of my choice (when I feel like it, socializing would go here), 5% of my energy remains for activity I’d rather not do (and half the time don’t) like laundry, homework and at times socializing.

    That’s the problem I’m currently facing… I’m trying to figure out how I can let my friend down gently and not have to meet with him for a few weeks. It seems like a horrible thing to do to a person, but spending time with him is becoming a chore… I try to be polite, but I’m beginning to loath our time together. I don’t think I can simply send him this, I don’t think it will make sense to him.

    On another note: I don’t understand extroverts very well and this article actually helped me understand them a little better. I always assume the people I deemed extremely social lack self confidence and were needy. It makes sense that they would think with a different part of their brains and aim to stimulate it. For the most part I do not meet people who are extremely introverted or extroverted. Though I’ve recently met an extrovert at school and he’s really extroverted. He knows he’s extroverted and that I’m introverted and he still doesn’t understand why I don’t want to go party.

  152. Shantelle Says:

    Is it possible for a person to be a mixture of both. Have both qualities of an introvert and an extrovert? Because I tend to “have an amazing ability to discover new thoughts, an uncanny ability to focus, to concentrate, to connect the dots, to observe and note things that most people miss, to listen extremely well and are often found having a rich and vivid imagination too.” and yet also be extremely outgoing, love talking to new people and so forth, other qualities that an extrovert would have. So I’m just curious, what would you call a person who has an equal amount of both these qualities?

  153. IX The Hermit Says:

    Shantelle- I believe it is entirely possible for an extrovert to have the qualities listed. On a basic level: an introvert feels more energized when alone, while an extrovert feels energized being with other people. As an example, my extrovert friend is very energetic around people, but when I’m around him I feel drained after a while.

    Not all introverts are going to have those qualities. For instance, my ability to stay focused is… in and out, mostly out. I can become bored quickly, my attention tends to be scattered and sometimes, when I’m supposed to be focused, I’ll daydream or doodle. What was listed probably has more to do with favored hemisphere in the brain and learning style. Strangely, my extroverted friend is very left brained, he has the ability to focus and organize, think linearly and logically. Being partial to the left hemisphere is credited with linguistic skills and auditory processing as well. I’m very right brained, so much so that I had learning issues with auditory processing and language when I was younger (apparently I still have some problems with it). The right hemisphere is credited with creativity, visually processing and seeing the big picture.

    Ideally someone would be balanced in applying both halves of the brain in learning, processing and understanding. Even though in my example my extroverted friend is very left brained, while I’m introverted and right brained this isn’t always the case. I’ve known people who are more left brained and more on the introverted side. I also know people who are extroverted and more right brained.

    Like I wrote, those qualities are more learning style than introvert/extrovert.

  154. Brian Kim Says:

    Reff,

    I’m glad to see this article has been able to help describe you so well. Please make sure to send it to your friends in Sydney ;)

    XI Hermit,

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the matter. I think what you wrote is an issue that many introverts face - a true dilemna that conflicts with their nature and I think the best way to deal with it is for all parties involved to truly understand the situation - to take the time and see things from the other’s point of view and plan accordingly so as to not send the wrong signals unintentionally.

  155. Ian Says:

    all the hot chicks are extroverted lol…
    tough for introverted guys with shallow standards, I can’t help it.

    Great article though, explains a lot about myself, I find myself in situations like that all the time, girls ask me what’s wrong, people ask if I’m depressed, and I’m like “do I look depressed? that sucks, I’m not”. depending on the mood of the party, I usually want to leave before any of my friends do, just because I’m bored, and feel awkward standing around. And If I’m alone with one other person, theres dead silence for most of the time, and I always find myself wondering if when any other two people are together if that happens to them.

  156. Internet addiction may be an illness - lulwut? | Rawrz. Says:

    […] “The condition is characterised by… …anger or depression if computer access is lost…” uh, well, no shit? People have friends who they can only contact via the internet. It would be like taking a normal person’s phone away, and any other means of contact they have with their friends. How would they feel? Yeah, angry and depressed. “…poor achievement…” I can only imagine this means academicly, which is total bullshit. The majorety of online gamers I know are, on average, far smarter than the average ‘normal’ person I know. Although that might be because I don’t play World of Warcraft. “…and social isolation.” In ‘real life’, maybe, but if so that’s how they want to be. If you include the internet, these people are by no means socialy isolated unless if that is what they desire to be. The internet is a great place to make friends and meet new and interesting people. It’s quite simple, really. The internet appeals very strongly to introverts (there’s an utterly awesome definition of an introvert written on this “self-help” site named briankim.net, called Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts.) […]

  157. john Says:

    really good post, i like it!

  158. Bhushan Says:

    oh! its really helpful to understad people

  159. Terry Says:

    People that won’t get this article never will. No not “extroverts” but people who think social activity is supposed to be a daily ritual. It would be ironic if i were to say that a daily dose of introspection would do you good, given the fact it’s none of my business. Just let people be themselves. I do agree that we need a depolarization of debate in mainstream USA and it’s triviality. That’s another issue.

  160. punisher Says:

    well, extrovert or introvert, it really doesnt matter does it?And for those “in between” it does neither. Everyone has his opinion, his way of thinking and acting but what is more important is that everyone needs to find his own way and by doing so he /she should not let him/herself be influenced too much by what others say.I agree that introverts need some time for themselves to recover and recall themselves who they are, just as extroverts need to be around people to feel at ease.However, this doesnt mean that introverts cannot be very sociable and talkative, neither does it mean that extroverts would´nt also need some time for themselves from time to time.This should not become a war between two groups of people, mostly because these ” two groups” are very likely to have no borders between them. i am talking of the in-betweens.and where there are no borders, there shouldnt be made ones, thats what i think.if we start making differences, we bring to life new cliches, new ways of separating “right” from “wrong” and in a world that IS morally crumbling (but i wont get into that now) , this kind of separations is the very last we need.

  161. Reff Says:

    Now i’m an extrovert person, no longer introverted anymore.
    True, there’s nothing wrong being an introvert, but as extrovert, you’ll gain many advantages!
    As for me, now i can enjoy being in the crowd.

    Thanks (again) to Brian Kim for writing this article so i know how to change my mindset.

  162. Little Me Says:

    I guess I’ve been an introvert all of my life & all along I’ve thought that I never learned any social skills because I’m uncomfortable in social situations, but it’s just a trait of being introverted.

    My husband thinks I’m being a recluse because I stay at home & don’t really to out much, he is getting concerned. He needs to learn that it’s ok for me to be who I am & there is nothing wrong w/me.

    Within this last year, I quit a job because of personality conflicts & not standing up for my self. Realizing that I’m an introvert explains a lot. I have to stop feeling guilty about it.

  163. Debbie Says:

    I am a highly sensitive person. (See Dr. Elaine Aaron’s book: The Highly Sensitive Person.) Fifteen to twenty percent of the population is considered to be highly sensitive. Of those who are highly sensitive people, about 70% are introverts, whereas the reamining 30% are mild extroverts.

    HSP’s must have quiet time every day since they have finely attuned central nervous systems that process an inordiate amount of sublties in every environment. This means they quickly become overstimlated/overarroused and then frazzled when absorbing/processing every day stimuli.

    To compensate for being overstimulated, they need a quiet and calming environment. THis recharges their batteries and allows them to reflect(internally process) what has happened on any given day. This is how they make sense of their world.

  164. Just Me Says:

    Thanks for setting the record straight. I’m an introvert but I hate it when people call me shy. Part of it is a cultural difference. I was born and grew up outside the US. I’ve lived here for years, speak fluent English and have adapted to the culture pretty well - but people automatically label me shy because I don’t fit the ideal of American masculinity, ie. a loud, boorish alpha male who gets in everyone’s faces.

    One thing I’ve learned over the years is that everyone is insecure to some extent. Some people show it by not talking very much, but far more show it by never shutting up. In my experience the in-your-face alpha males are the most insecure people around, and they are overcompensating. I am actually more secure than most people; I know who I am and I don’t apologize to anyone for being who I am.

  165. Another intro Says:

    To ‘Just Me’, your comment about knowing who you are and not apologizing for being you is wonderful in-sight for all. We should accept people for who they are, not expecting people to change just because they don’t fit into our self-made molds. Secure is a very desirable trait to possess. Thank you for sharing.

  166. Escape Adulthood with Kim & Jason » Summer For Some Kids Says:

    […] I realize that the dual-parent career and single-parent households have little choice but to enroll their kids in a summer day camp setting. Many kids thrive on it (I’m guessing kids who are naturally extroverts), but for the introverted kids (at least 1/4 of them), a summer day camp can be a nightmare. By the way, for those of you who think being introverted means that you are shy, please read this article: “The Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts.” […]

  167. Rae Says:

    Thank you for this article. I am an introvert and have always felt guilty for it. Now I do not feel as much. FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO KNOW WHAT HAVING BOTH “VERTS” IS REFERRED TO, IT IS CALLED AMBIVERT!!!!

  168. When the hairy scruffy boy attacks! « Lazy Vegan Says:

    […] Even if I’m an introvert I find it fun to shock and provoke sometimes. I guess I will just wear a beanie tomorrow, as I’m tired of having a bad hair day everyday. Not too keen on all that attention everyday you know. […]

  169. vino Says:

    very true. this is a great article and i agree for the most part of whats being said. it sucks to be so misunderstood, but then again, us introverts know what we’re capable of and don’t need small talk and excessive social interaction to make us happy or to have a good time :)
    thanks i enjoyed this read

  170. ImSureBoutIt Says:

    ” JK said : You think any extroverts were focused enough to read this entire article? ” yeah, I m 100% agree with you. extroverts don’t like to think deeply about an article like this. And I think almost every words in this article are true.

  171. Kurt Says:

    Nice article. As I am an introvert, I agree with this. I suppose if I were an extrovert (yuk), I would disagree. ANyway, it’s right on the money. And now, I must recharge myself, as I have said enough.

    :)

  172. Hemlock Says:

    I am an introvert, and I’v known this for a while. However, that definitely does not mean that I dislike people or that I am incapable of socialising. Quite the contrary in fact, as I relish leadership responsibilities, I am a hard party-goer when the occasion calls for, and I genuinely like meeting new people and learning more about them. However, I frequently need time to be alone, and lots of it at that.

    I think this article was well written but I do find the approach and remarks concerning extroverts a little caustic and general. I know a number of true extroverts (some, not all) who are very much capable of organized thought and deep, intelligent ideas and attitudes. I know an equal number of introverts who are “inwardly tuned” but superficial on the whole otherwise.

    Still, it’s nice to know that there isn’t anything wrong with me.

  173. Tempyra » Blog Archive » Sunday Readings: The Psych Edition Says:

    […] Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts […]

  174. Brian Kim Says:

    Ian,

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the article. I’m sure a lot of people will be able to relate with what you said, especially the last part!

    John and Bhushan,

    I’m glad you liked the article!

    Terry,

    Thanks for your thoughts and comments as well. I appreciate it.
    appreciate it.

    Punisher,

    You bring up an interesting point that I think a lot of people who have the “camp vs camp” mentality should read. Thanks for sharing.

    Reff,

    I’m glad the article was able to help change your mindset!

    Little me,

    I’m glad you’ve found a reason to explain all your behavior. Never feel guilty for who you are!

    Debbie,

    Thanks for adding such great information to the article!

    Just me,

    Very well said. It looks like you’ve got the right mentality.

    Another intro,

    Very well said as well!

    Rae,

    Great to see you don’t feel as guilty anymore. And thanks for that terminology!

    Vino,

    I’m glad you enjoyed the read!

    Imsureaboutit and Kurt,

    Thanks for your comments. I really appreciate it!

    Hemlock,

    You bring up a good point in that it becomes dangerous to generalize with both groups. Thanks for sharing!

  175. Diurnus Meus » Blog Archive » Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts Says:

    […] http://briankim.net/blog/2007/10/top-5-things-every-extrovert-should-know-about-introverts/ […]

  176. My Blog » Blog Archive » Top 5 things Every Extroverts Should Know About Introverts Says:

    […] Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts […]

  177. Sagar Says:

    very true……..but being introvert i don’t think that i will be going to forward this to any of my friend..

  178. Do you got a problem with me? « .random[oid] Says:

    […] On our way home today I made, as I see it, a neutral comment about Lizzie’s statement and tried to avoid a discussion by saying something that we see it differently; which I miserably failed with. It ended up in a long luke warm discussion. In short, my comment was interpreted as a negative comment and I felt attacked for being told I’m negative. What I’m awkwardly trying to say is that the reason I probably got so offended and defensive is because I’m a geeky introvert with a slightly differently wired brain than the rest of the world. Only 2% of the popoulation is wired like I am. So being different and specially an introvert you are more or less being told to change to adapt better with people your whole life. I’m getting to the point where I rather tell people to sod off if they can’t stand me being who I am, than become who they want me to be. It sounds harsh, but those who actually know me and understand me know that I’m not a bad person. When no one pokes me I’m extremely zen to be honest. […]

  179. Parental/Genetic Component? - Page 2 - Typology Central Says:

    […] I’ve been observing my family and I’ve this is what I’ve got so far…. Me = ISTJ (Frequent use of Ne) Mom = ISTJ (Heavier usage of Fi, but Si Te still dominate.) Dad = ISTP Sister = Not sure yet. Current guesses are on ISFP and ENFJ. See the following thread for details: What Is My Sister’s Type? As far as preference for nature / nuture, I think my Introversion was inherent — I am without a doubt the most introverted member of our bunch. Not as sure about the S and T traits, but I think the J trait comes from me watching Mom, whom I was around the most growing up. She’s a super-J person. Interesting articles: 30 March 1999 Introverts At The Front, Extroverts To The Rear by Kate Melville A University of Iowa study adds to growing evidence that being shy or outgoing may be all in your head. Investigators looking at cerebral blood flow and personality found more conclusive signs of different brain activity in introverts and extroverts. This is the first study to reveal the connections between activity of the thalamus and introversion and extroversion, said Debra L. Johnson, Ph.D., UI assistant research scientist in psychology and the study’s lead investigator. "We found more evidence that people might be shy or outgoing because of the way their brains are structured, not because of experiences they’ve had." Previous studies have shown that introversion and extroversion are based on variations in brain function, but those studies did not describe all the locations found in this study. The UI researchers examined 18 healthy individuals using positron emission tomography (PET) scans, which can provide a high-resolution image of the entire head. The PET scans revealed that introverts have more activity in the frontal lobes of the brain and anterior, or front, thalamus. These areas are activated when a person’s brain takes on internal processing such as remembering, problem solving and planning. Extroverts exhibit more activity in the anterior cingulate gyrus, temporal lobes and posterior thalamus. These areas are typically thought to be more involved in sensory processing such as listening, watching or driving. The differences in cognitive style and sensory-processing relate to the qualities associated with introversion and extroversion. True introverts are quiet, inwardly focused and reclusive. Extroverts are gregarious, socially active and sensation seeking. "Introverts get more of their stimulation internally, whereas extroverts seek outside sources," Johnson said. "Extremely introverted and extroverted personalities are two ends of a continuum, with most people falling somewhere in between." Johnson added, "The implication is that one personality trait — introversion or extroversion - isn’t right or wrong. These variations in brain activity suggest that a lot of our individual differences have an underlying biological cause." The subjects, 10 men and eight women, first took personality tests to determine the extent to which they were introverts or extroverts. The researchers later had the subjects lie down with their eyes closed while the PET scan measured brain activity. "Lying quietly allows the mind to be free and do what it naturally does," Johnson explained. "When a part of the brain becomes active, there is increased blood flow to that region, which shows up on the PET scan." The findings were published in the February issue of the American Journal of Psychiatry. More Stuff: The Introverts Strike Back The Difference Between Introverts and Extroverts | Psychology Today Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts It turns out that the distinction between introversion and extroversion is all in your head — but I mean this quite literally! brain activityIntroverted children enjoy the internal world of thoughts, feelings and fantasies, and there’s a physiological reason for this. Researchers using brain scans have found introverts have more brain activity in general, and specifically in the frontal lobes. When these areas are activated, introverts are energized by retrieving long-term memories, problem solving, introspection, complex thinking and planning. Extroverts enjoy the external world of things, people and activities. They have more activity in brain areas involved in processing the sensory information we’re bombarded with daily. Because extroverts have less internally generated brain activity, they search for more external stimuli to energize them. [emphasis added] The social gene The question remains, “How do we get to be an introvert or extrovert?” While nothing is “all in the genes,” there appears to be a genetic factor in our socializing preferences. The “novelty-seeking” or lust for excitement may be linked to a D4DR gene on chromosome 11. Dean Hamer, chief of gene structure and regulation at the National Cancer Institute in Bethesda, Maryland, studied the D4DR gene and found that it affects the neurotransmitter dopamine, which controls excitement levels and is vital for physical activity and motivation. Novelty seekers (where’s the bungee-jumping party?) were found to have a long D4DR gene and were less sensitive to dopamine, a chemical mediator for pleasure and emotion in the brain. The “low-novelty seekers” had short D4DR genes that were highly sensitive to dopamine. Because they receive enough dopamine in quiet activities, they don’t need as much “buzz” in their lives. They feel more discomfort than enjoyment from thrill-seeking or risk-taking. Too much dopamine and they feel over-stimulated. Chemistry of ‘walls’ and ‘flowers’ The introverted brain has a higher level of internal activity and thinking than the extroverted brain. It is dominated by the long, slow pathway of another neurotransmitter called acetylcholine. Introverts require a limited range of not too much or too little dopamine, another brain chemical, and a good level of acetylcholine to keep a calm feeling instituted. Acetylcholine serves as a trigger to the brain to conserve energy and stimulates good thinking and feeling. Laney explains that the extroverted brain just doesn’t have as much internal activity going on. So, it scans the external world for stimulation to fuel the shorter, quicker dopamine pathway. “The signals from the brain travel to the Full-Throttle (sympathetic nervous) system that controls certain body functions and influences how ‘outies’ behave,” she says. But, an extrovert needs its sidekick, adrenaline, to help cook up more dopamine in the brain, Laney says. Like plants to sunlight, their energy comes from the places they go; the people they see. “Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will be calling someone on his cell phone.” So, during these merry days, as extroverts chat away, hands and mouths dancing in a choreographed ballet, try to remember the lament of the introverted Rauch, “We can only dream that someday, when our condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts Rights movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say, ‘I’m an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please, shush.” Of course, as with most studies, this is mostly speculation. Interesting, but it’s not the Bible. Take it with a grain of salt. (Good luck picking a single grain up.) __________________ Looking For A Shortcut Can Lead You Astray…. All work and no play makes Jack a vital member of society. ~ Pincus http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/13/137371.png […]

  180. Joyce Says:

    GAH i’m so angry i typed this all up and it wouldn’t submitted and not i have to do it all over :S

    Anyways i just want to say that i loved this article. I have always struggled about if i’m an extrovert / introvert. I have very extroverted tendencies with my close friends and ppl i naturally feel comfortable around. However, most of the time i feel uncomfortable and drained in social situations, although i genuinely enjoy them. One other strange thing is with people i first meet, i am able to put on an extroverted face, then gradually becomes harder as i interact with them more. I definitely agree that introverts are completely capable of everything extroverts are comfortable with - being sociable, outspoken, and funny - just more of an occasion :P and depends highly on the people interacting with. And yes i hate small talks - thanks for pointing that out. After reading this article i am more sure that i am an introvert. I have always struggled with feelings of guilt for feeling “socially weird” and cruelly labeling myself as “cold” and unfriendly to others, wondering what’s wrong with me. Thanks for reminding me that there IS nothing wrong with me and i should accept me as i am :)

    Also, for those who thinks that this article is stereotypical, i just wanted to point out that most of us learn from generalization. Science theories start from a possible generalization which is later confirmed through testings. Textbooks are full of generalizations which are constantly being updated and refined. We humans learn from observing the environment, forming generalizations about it, and refining it as our perception of it changes. There’s nothing with a well thought out article like this that generalizes Introverts which is true to a high degree. IN fact, it would be hard for us to learn anything from a long-winded article that tries to cover every possible perspective in this world :S Great article. Thanks agian!

  181. Esotericas Says:

    I’d forgotten all about this article until Joyce’s comment brought it up in my email again. When I read this originally back in 2007, I thought I was an extrovert… now, I’m not so sure, so this article takes on a different light. I’m beginning to realize that I was “born an introvert” & brute force turned into an extrovert to try & fit in at school. Making the first point a curious one for me… where do *I* have more brain activity, the front or the back of the brain?

    I don’t disdain small talk… in fact, I enjoy it. Though I do start to dread too much of it with acquaintances, like on the bus. I use headphones to avoid small talk when I don’t feel up it… is that my core introversion shining through?

    I do read a lot and, more recently, I have shied away from a lot of socializing for the reason of it becoming too much. Yet, I also seem to crave far more socializing than others I know who are introverts. I feel like my version of feeling less social is vastly different from that of others.

    I had forgotten how the article ends… it would seem I’m a traitor to the cause! I’m the introvert who turned extrovert to fit in, but I started doing it at such a young age that extroversion seems natural for me.

  182. genevieve Says:

    great article, i thought it was really interesting
    but, i was thinking about how you really seemed to define people as either introverted or extroverted. See, as a child, i used to be really introverted, but as i have grown, i have become more and more extroverted. Is it possible for someone to change from introverted to extroverted over time?

  183. The Straight Dope Dad Says:

    Really good article and dead accurate. We’re an introverted family.As adults we get more slack but people just don’t get my six year old daughter. I wrote about it on my fatherhood blog: http://www.straightdopedad.com/introverts-are-not-retarded-or-anti-social/

  184. Rerunaround » Blog Archive » Holiday Travel Action For An Introvert (+Bonus) Says:

    […] When I was plotting out this travel route I worked in some vacation time. You know you’re a spoiled little travel bitch when your vacations have vacations. Actually, the Vegas stop in the middle is an example of how I travel as an introvert. I need to have bits of downtime every so often when traveling. I hate the typically used analogy, “time to recharge my batteries” but it’s at least sort of accurate. I don’t get tired like my batteries are drained. I just get annoyed, or enjoy what I’m doing less. If you really want to understand how an introvert works then I recommend this summary: Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts. After a couple weeks of being social I crave a day where I can get my solitary fix. […]

  185. Pg. 198: Intro Vs. Extro « Chapter 37 Says:

    […] And I came across an article recently that reminded me of this once again. Although the article isn’t about travel specifically, I found it especially enlightening for that purpose: The Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts. […]

  186. Nav Says:

    hi guys,

    im a consultant by profession, been in the industry just over 1 year now. im naturally an introvert, but being this way just won’t work in this industry! My manager said i am coming across as shy and a loner :( . We are working on a project in africa and sharing a house.. Now i have to change my ways or suffer a miserable exit.. my life sucks, I am dreading wasting my entire evenings talking to the team about useless things, when i could just read a book and ‘re-charge’.. i guess keeping work-private life seperate just aint possible in this day and age.. *sigh* just wanted to share.. thanks

  187. introvert=no life - Page 4 - Grasscity.com Forums Says:

    […] Re: introvert=no life Introvert does not mean you don’t talk, it’s much more than that. I’ve pretty much always been an introvert, and I have a good social life, just without the bullshit. Look at this site. Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts The Definitive Self Improvement Blog - BrianKim.net […]

  188. Brian Kim Says:

    Joyce,

    You’re very welcome! I’m glad you got to that all important stage of acceptance.

    Esotericas,

    It might be a case of nurture overcoming nature.

    Genevieve,

    You bring up a great question, one that’s open to much debate. I don’t think I can give you a definitive answer without doing more research on my part.

    Nav,

    Thanks for sharing. I’m sure there are people who can relate. It can be difficult but adapation is a key element that we can all benefit from using as well.

  189. Felix Says:

    Best article I’ve read on this subject!

  190. Dezz Says:

    Great article! I’m an introverted person and I’ve had people tell me that I’m shy and socially awkward so often that I believed fully that was the definition. Of course, telling them to look up the definition makes them think I’m an elitist snob because I know some words… Introverts will never win :P

  191. Brian Kim Says:

    Felix,

    Great to hear!

    Dezz,

    I’m sure many will be able to relate to your situation as well.

  192. Academia « Rambings of a Wondering Mind Says:

    […] Thinking about Academia and whether I can do it, and I dont think I can…related to my earlier posts about possible jobs and stuff, it’s just not something I would be any good at.  I seriously admire all those who can and will do it, which is most of my office mates, but the longer I spend doing this PhD the more I learn about myself and the more obvious it becomes that I cant do it.  You see the academics they can sit in their rooms and focus entirely on Physics, its what they do - they can exclude everything else, socially as well, and just think about it - even to the extent that when they go home for the evening or weekend, or go on holiday, they still think about or do research.  I just don’t seem to have that kind of motivation - when I go home I read about computers or politics or something like that, or talk to people, etc…I just can’t do more physics!  Maybe I’ve just reached my ceiling of interest in physics and if I find the right subject I’ll be as interested as that, but I think I also just don’t have the level of introversion that seems to be required to block out the external world and focus on physics.  Note that this introversion is not a bad thing - I really admire it, and I’m quite an introvert myself (see here http://briankim.net/blog/2007/10/top-5-things-every-extrovert-should-know-about-introverts/), but not enough of one! […]

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