By: Brian Kim - May 15, 2008
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The ability to make quick, good, decisions easily – it’s not something many can do.
There’s the trap of needing ALL the information first beforehand to make the decision - the information overload trap as I like the call it.
Then there’s the trap of “What if?”. What if this happens or what if that happens as a result of the decision? In essence, the trap of fear.
And the most worst trap of all – continued distrust in oneself. When you don’t trust yourself to make the decisions you need to, it’s really hard for others to trust in you simply because they see that even you don’t really trust yourself.
In order to become decisive, we must step back to see how things fit in the BIG picture.
If we continually zero in on the small part of the picture in terms of one decision, it becomes very hard to develop the habit of decisiveness.
In a nutshell, the “cycle” of decisiveness can be described as follows:
Take all the relevant information you need to make a decision, make a crystal clear decisions based on crystal clear justifications, act on it in the heat of the moment to affirm it, let go of any emotional attachment to the decision, continue to act on it, observe what happens as a result neutrally, and continue the cycle to make more decisions accordingly.
The first part of the cycle is self explanatory. Making a decision without the relevant facts is simply not a good thing to do. The real question is how much relevant information do you need? We’ll get to that in just a bit.
The second part is crucial. You must make a crystal clear decision, one that’s clear enough to the point that you know exactly what you have to do next to get to work on implementing your decision and what’s more, you need crystal clear justification as well. The crystal clear decision is there so that you’ll know exactly what you need to do next. The crystal clear justification is there so that it provides you with that “spark” to implement it.
This leads us to the third part of the cycle – acting in the heat of the moment to affirm the decision you just made. Decisiveness/action should be two sides of the same coin. If action isn’t taken, you just open the door for more mental laps to be taken on the “Should I or should I not?” decision course. When you take advantage of the spark that comes with making a decision by either carrying out the entire decision then and there, or at least taking some form of action on it on the spot if it’s a bigger decision that requires more time and effort to implement, you’re actually making a true decision.
The next part of the cycle is crucial because if you don’t do this, you will forever fear decision making. You must be able to step outside yourself and look at the results of your decision as just that – results. Nothing more, nothing less. The minute you start berating yourself for making a “wrong” decision because you see “bad” results, all that trust you deposited and more, will be taken away from you, reducing your desire and ability to make any further decisions in the future.
Just observe neutrally and more importantly, realize that you can always change things later on down the road if they don’t turn out the way you expected it.
With the results you see, you have more relevant information to use to make another decision and the more decisions you make, the more actions you take, which lead to more results, which lead to more relevant information, which leads to even better decisions, etc.
The cycle starts engaging beneficially in your favor.
Realize you DO need to screw up. You need to feed more relevant information into the decision making capability mechanism that lies inside your head so it knows what to do later on down the road.
If you don’t realize your necessity to screw up, you’ll never pull the trigger because you’re just focused on the wrong things that might happen with the one decision you make instead of looking at the bigger picture where you’ll encounter the many, many more decisions that you’ll need to make in the future.
Remember to view everything in terms of the big cycle:
The more decisions you make, the more actions you take. The more actions you take, the more results you see. The more results you see, the more relevant information you get. The more you relevant information you get, the better decisions you’ll be able to make and the cycle continues on and on and on and on.
And what most people don’t see that goes behind the scenes of cultivating the habit of decisiveness:
Trusting that you’re making the right decision based on the present situation.
And knowing based on what happens as a result, that you can trust yourself to make the right decisions along the way to correct it.
That’s when you’ll realize you’ve truly cultivated the decisiveness habit as the world knows it.
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By: Brian Kim - May 5, 2008
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When people start off on their journey of self improvement, the focus tends to be obviously on themselves. They want to improve in certain areas of their lives.
They also tend to need to know that they can do it, that “it” being whatever goal they’re striving for. They feel the need to prove to themselves that they can get it done so as to provide a future foundation of self confidence to build upon for tackling future goals.
So they get to work. Read some books, put their plans in motion, take action and see the progress that results and they become happy with it.
But during this process, an unseen potential byproduct emerges for some people and that is simply this:
They begin to rely too much on themselves.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m a firm believer that everyone should be self reliant but only up to a certain degree. It’s important to notice that when we go too far with this concept, we set ourselves up for a world of hurt.
Why?
A person can generally do a lot of things on their own and when they do those things, they tend to start feeling proud of their accomplishments and also see a rise in self esteem and self confidence but by doing so, set themselves up for disaster by equating success with the results obtained by themselves alone.
That’s all good and dandy when the challenges are manageable but as higher and higher goals are set, it gets tougher and tougher to meet them by oneself. Yet the yardstick to measure was solely based on what one can do.
So they put too much pressure on themselves and they inevitably crack under it and along with that, witness a drop in their self esteem and self confidence.
When that happens, realize that there’s nothing really wrong with you.
Just realize that you can’t get it done by yourself.
And that you will inevitably need to get help from others.
And this is a crucial stage to take note of because it marks the end of the unconscious pursuit of total self reliance and the beginning of the realization that it’s too much to rely only on ourselves.
Up to a certain point, you can do things on your own, but you then start to get diminishing marginal returns if you continue to follow that individual path.
The material needed to build the bridge from total self reliance to the realization that we need help from others is simply this:
Humility.
Humility tends to get swept under the rug when we see all the progress that we ourselves made – all by ourselves, without any help in the beginning stages of our self improvement journey. We tend to make the mistake of lulling ourselves into a false sense of safety in our own seemingly capable hands. There seems to be nothing that we can’t tackle by ourselves.
That is, until time passes and the goals are set higher and higher and we realize that it’s too much for one person to do everything.
Those inspirational “self-made” stories you hear - rarely were they actually self made. There was always a business partner, a supportive wife, parents, siblings, close friends, investors, teachers, mentors, etc., in the background that helped contribute to the individual’s success, but didn’t get their share of the limelight.
Inspirational stories tend to focus too much on the individual in the story and not enough on his/her supporting cast in an effort to highlight the potential that each individual has and while that’s a noble effort, it can backfire on people in the sense that they begin to believe they can set a really high goal and do everything on their own to accomplish it and get depressed when they realize they can’t.
It’s good to become self reliant in the sense that you learn personal responsibility, discipline, focus, and you take action on your own accord but then realize you will inevitably need the help of others later on down the road.
With that in mind, start working on your “social game”. Learn the fine art of conversation, persuasion, negotiation, building rapport, establishing and maintaining relationships, building new ones, etc.
Working with other people makes things a whole lot easier, helps get a lot of things done faster, saves time and money, etc.(if done right) and this is proven everyday via many of the successful organizations around us.
When you start collaborating with others, realize that it’s essentially self improvement on steroids. All the benefits that you’ve experienced by yourself early on in your journey get multiplied tenfold. Your knowledge increases, you get encouragement from others when times are tough, you get great ideas when you brainstorm together, your capability to get things done in a quick manner is increased tenfold as well, etc.
And when you realize that one can only go so far by themselves before they need help from others, you will begin to see everyone in the world not as a stranger, but as your own fellow brother and sister.
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FREE Newsletter packed with valuable and exclusive information and resources on subjects such as success, health, wealth, relationships, time management, motivation, goal setting, and self improvement which won't be found anywhere else.
FREE eCourse - How to Maximize The Power of Your Mind - learn what you were never taught in school about how your mind works, how you can maximize its power, and how you can use it to achieve the goals you've set. The material in this eCourse can change your life.
FREE M.I.Ts - Motivational and Inspirational Thoughts sent Monday-Friday. These M.I.Ts will be personalized messages written by yours truly and will automatically be delivered to your inbox each weekday so you won't even have to think about it. It'll be right there when you wake up.
These M.I.Ts are purely meant to maybe provoke a thought, ask a question, make a suggestion and in the end, get you motivated and inspired to take action THAT DAY toward the direction of your dream because we all need a little boost of motivation and inspiration everyday, simply because the world is filled with such negativity and that fighting for your dreams is an uphill battle.
This VIP newsletter will contain more valuable information and resources like the articles found on this site.
And you don't have to worry about email blasting overload because I hate spam with the passion of a thousand suns put together. Your email address will not be shared with anyone else, GUARANTEED.
