Learning About a Person’s Life Story
By: Brian Kim - November 12, 2007
I love learning about people’s life stories. I really do. It’s probably the main reason why I love reading biographies so much.
I think there’s something about learning a person’s life story that adds a whole new aura and dimension to that person that you can’t really get in any other way, shape or form. It makes you really appreciate and understand where they’re coming from, what their viewpoints on life are and how they’ve been gradually shaped to become that way, and why they are the way they are and why they do the things they do.
It’s really amazing when it happens and if you’ve ever had the opportunity to have that kind of conversation, where everything starts to come out, the things you find out about the other person are guaranteed to make your jaw drop and leave you speechless.
I believe deep down inside each and every last one of us is a desire to tell our own life story to someone. We want to let it all out and we all want to be understood. This desire can be so strong that some people will even tell their life stories to total strangers upon the first meeting.
I know this because in my early years at college, I thought I had some sort of magical ability of eliciting life stories from people who were total strangers. Classmates, bus drivers, co-workers from different floors from where I worked spilled their entire life stories to me upon the first meeting. I used to think I had some really incredible listening skills or that I made people feel extremely at ease, but looking back at it all, I think it was just because I was genuinely interested in learning about their life stories. I really did have that desire and I believe they simply sensed that and reacted accordingly.
You’ll find that most people will be more than willing to tell you their life story if you only express the slightest bit of interest. However, some will be reserved and need a little bit more coaxing or will need more rapport before they come out of their shell. Yet, some will be like Fort Knox and only reveal themselves to a select few.
When you start to listen to various life stories, you’ll realize some common themes begin to pop up among them.
First off, that everybody has had problems. Most, if not all have had problems during their childhood that have greatly influenced where they are in life now and you’ll find that some of the things they’ve gone through and have overcome are truly amazing and inspirational. You’ll also find that everybody has current problems as well, even the people who seem to have it all together.
Second, you will begin to see elements and reflections of your own self somewhere in their life story. The things you’ve thought about, they’ve thought about. The things you’ve worried about, they’ve worried about. The experiences you’ve had, they’ve had in one form or another as well. It gets to the point where you begin to feel relieved and get a sense of confirmation that there’s nothing really wrong with you, that you were never as “alone” as you thought you were.
Third, that you never really knew the person as well as you thought you did. It’s funny because we all think we know the people in our lives pretty well - our friends, family members, co-workers, neighbors, but the fact of the matter is, we really don’t know them all too well. We really don’t, even if we think we do and we begin to realize that fact when we hear their life stories for the very first time.
In a day and age where people have multiple “pseudo” friendships built on shallow, everyday conversation or through online means, it’s rare to have that “meat”. To have that heart to heart discussion and it’s what people really crave, even if they don’t come right out and say it.
There’s always something to learn from other people and listening to their life story is one way of learning a whole lot about life itself.
Learning about a person’s life story provides rich, dense, nutritious food for friendship.
At the very least, your relationship with the person who’s telling you their life story will be strengthened and taken to the next level because you are now, symbolically, a part of them. They’ve told their story to you and in doing so, formed that deeper bond and connection that you both know has been forged
I highly recommend taking a look at your social circle and inviting a person you want to learn more about to dinner at a restaurant or to your place and just express your genuine desire to learn about their life story. I guarantee you that they’ll be pleasantly surprised at the opportunity and take advantage of it. Your relationship with them will be taken to the next level and it’s at that next level where it really begins to affect both of your lives for the better.
Most people don’t really have anyone to confide in besides their spouses on the “heavier” things in life and to have someone to be able to talk to about those kinds of things is priceless.
Be that person. Learn about their life story and take the friendship to the next level. It’s something that will prove to be invaluable to the both of you.
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6 Responses to “Learning About a Person’s Life Story”
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November 12th, 2007 at
Brian:
What a great post! How true that people, when given the opportunity, enjoy sharing their life’s story with others.
This post made me think of quite a few people who I’ve had the priviledge of hearing their life’s story, making for one or two hours of interesting conversation. It’s amazing how we are all connected and even more so when you realize that you’re not alone with the kinds of challenges you’ve had in your life. When you realize that others, particularly those who have become famous or whatnot, have experienced very similiar situations that you’ve had, it makes becomes inspiring, often motivating you not to give up.
Great post! Thanks for reminding me to keep listening.
November 13th, 2007 at
Stephen,
Thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate it!
And thank you for sharing your experiences as well. I couldn’t agree more with what you said, especially the last part of your second paragraph. It’s dead on!
November 16th, 2007 at
[…] Brian Kim wrote a powerful article on the value of learning about other people’s stories. He reminds us that all of us have a story to share - yes, that means you too. I’m glad Brian reminded me (and now you) to pay attention to the next person we encounter and ask them to tell us a personal story. You’ll make a new friend for life if you do that. […]
November 22nd, 2007 at
[…] Learning About a Person’s Life Story - a great approach to deepening your friendships with people in your life. […]
December 2nd, 2007 at
Hi Brian! I absolutely love reading all your articles. They are very true and very easy to relate to.. I love reading about people’s life stories as well, but every time i enter a bookshop, there are numerous biographies to choose from. and sometimes that alone makes me feel very lost. Could you recommend any biographies i can first start with? That would be really helpful and i’d really appreciate it. ((:
December 7th, 2007 at
Hi Claire,
Thanks for the kind words about the articles. It’s great to see that you enjoy reading them.
With regard to your question, I understand where you’re coming from as there are a lot of biographies to choose from. My advice would be to read the biographies of those who’ve personally inspired YOU.
The biographies I like - you may not necessarily like as well, simply because we might have different tastes when it comes to them. However, some I will throw out there are: “Fantastic: The Life of Arnold Schwarzenegger”, “The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt”, and “Lance Amrstrong: It’s Not About the Bike”.
If you ever come across a movie about a person or read about them in a magazine and you find yourself inspired, see if they have a biography and pick it up at your local bookstore.
I hope that helps!