Why Getting Dumped Could Be The Best Thing That’s Ever Happened To You
By: Brian Kim - June 21, 2007
For some odd reason, the 2nd most popular request for articles to write that I get come from 20 something males regarding the subject of dating and getting over breakups. On that note, I wanted to write an article that will hopefully put a stop to these flow of requests – and it’s not that I don’t like getting those emails, it’s just that I find myself saying the same thing over and over again so I hope this article will put an end to those types of questions.
I’m going to describe a typical scenario that I’m sure most guys can relate to. If you find that you don’t, you may know somebody who will.
Boy meets girl.
Boy falls head over heels in love with girl.
Boy spends every waking minute with girl.
Boy forsakes his friends, family, dreams for girl.
Girl dumps boy.
Boy’s heart is broken in half.
Probably one of the most vulnerable points in any man’s life (or woman’s for that matter), is when they are dumped. And nobody likes to get dumped. Nobody. It hurts. And it hurts pretty bad. Everybody takes it personally as a sign of rejection of who they are as a person and what they’re all about.
Then comes the playing of sad love songs, reminiscing about the girl, thinking about her all the time, wanting to get back together, depression, no appetite - the whole works. Everybody deals with rejection in their own way but whatever the recovery process is for that person, it’s very painful to see it from the outside.
What will most likely happen next is that he will get over it, but will repeat the same process again with another woman, and another, and another until this realization finally hits him.
That the problem does not lie with the women; it lies with him.
And it’s a bitter pill to swallow. Specifically, he is placing his happiness and self worth, in effect his world so to speak, onto the girl and the relationship. He is not happy unless he has the girl and the relationship. He is hoping the girl and the relationship will solve his problems. You take that away and he becomes a mess.
But you can’t blame guys for thinking like that because a relationship does bring happiness and good times. It’s a good thing and I’m certainly not advocating one to become a monk and abstain from women.
What I am advocating here is to become happy, to create your own world independent of the woman and of the relationship, in short to not need it as much.
Why? Because women can smell needy guys and desperation a mile away and more often than not, guys will cling to a woman like a life preserver reeking of neediness and desperation, as she has become their entire life, leaving behind anything else and it’s because of this neediness and desperation that women dump men like a sack of potatoes.
What the great thing about getting dumped is that it’s probably one of the few ways that will bring about this crucial realization upon a man. That women and relationships will not solve his life. That he must solve his own life first. That he must solve his own problems, to get his own act together, and that no woman or relationship can do it for him.
And once he realizes this, it will cause him to strive to become more than he ever was.
He will solve his problems, pursue his dreams, become the best man he can possibly be, strengthen the bonds between his friends and himself and his family, in short, he will get his life in order FIRST. He will have effectively created his own world, one that he is happy living in, independent of women.
And the catalyst for this change in his life usually comes from the “I’ll show her what she’s missing out on” anger caused by the dumping, and while that’s great fuel to start with, it won’t last. What will happen next is that all that anger will morph into gratitude. As they see the life they envision in their mind becoming a reality before them, they become grateful for the breakup, grateful that she had broken his heart because if it were not for her, he would not have been so motivated to initiate such great change in his life.
When he does all this, women and relationships will take care of themselves. He will find women that will fit into the world he has created and they will flock toward him.
I’ve seen this happen so many times. A guy who thinks he has found the love of his life gets dumped and he gets super depressed but afterwards, realizes the problem was with him the entire time, that he was relying on the woman and the relationship to create a world of happiness, so instead, he works on himself and he gets his life in order and when he does, the ex always comes back, realizing what she has missed out on, not to mention a flock of other women.
So the focus should be not on the woman and the relationship so much as on yourself, to be the best person you can be, to invest in yourself and to not place your happiness and your world onto the woman and the relationship. To become more than you were before and to begin focusing on creating your own world, on improving your own life because when you do that, you start to naturally exhibit all the qualities that women desire – confidence, purpose, drive, ambition, etc.
Other guys will create their world based on the women and the relationship, and when the woman is gone, so is their world and they will have nothing to hold onto.
It’s important to focus on becoming the best person you can be and creating the life you want to live because by doing so, you will find a woman that will fit into your world naturally.
So let’s say for example, your passion lies in building houses for homeless people. You volunteer to work on projects not because you hope you will meet women there, but because that’s what you love to do. And as you start volunteering at these places, you will find someone who shares the same values as yourself, someone who can easily fit into your world and can easily share it with. It will all come about naturally as a result of you creating your ideal world and living in it.
What you’ll find is that most people will feel as if they’ve dodged a bullet after they got dumped because had they continued on with that relationship, they would never be at where they are today.
A man is usually at rock bottom from getting dumped, but the greatest thing about that is it gives him an opportunity to change his life.
It’s a great wake up call – to become more than you were before, to follow your dreams, and to create the world that you wish to live in, and to share it with the woman of your dreams.
Please share and enjoy!: 
Email To A Friend Bookmark Site FREE VIP Newsletter
Read The Most Popular Articles Visit The MasterMind Forum
Similar Posts On BrianKim.net- Why Nice Guys Can’t Get Girls
- How to Deal With The Fear of Rejection When It Comes to Dating
- How to Defeat the Consumerist Mentality
- Focus on Changing Within FIRST
- Reader Success Story: Words Do No Justice To How She Feels When She Wakes Up Every Morning
- Reader Success Story: He’s Back In The Zone of Happiness
- How to Deal With Unexpected Change In Your Life
- The Triggering Event
- The Latest Revealing Details of the New Service on BrianKim.net That Will Launch Very Soon
- The Definitive Guide to Self Improvement
Sign Up For The FREE VIP Self Improvement Newsletter To Get
The VERY Best Value From This Site!
Join Thousands of Subscribers From Over 107 Countries Around the World Who Are Actively Pursuing Their Hopes and Dreams!
What Subscribers Are Saying:
As a subscriber you'll get:
These M.I.Ts are purely meant to maybe provoke a thought, ask a question, make a suggestion and in the end, get you motivated and inspired to take action THAT DAY toward the direction of your dream because we all need a little boost of motivation and inspiration everyday, simply because the world is filled with such negativity and that fighting for your dreams is an uphill battle.
This VIP newsletter will contain more valuable information and resources like the articles found on this site.
And you don't have to worry about email blasting overload because I hate spam with the passion of a thousand suns put together. Your email address will not be shared with anyone else, GUARANTEED.
FREE Newsletter packed with valuable and exclusive information and resources on subjects such as success, health, wealth, relationships, time management, motivation, goal setting, and self improvement which won't be found anywhere else.
FREE eCourse - How to Maximize The Power of Your Mind - learn what you were never taught in school about how your mind works, how you can maximize its power, and how you can use it to achieve the goals you've set. The material in this eCourse can change your life.
FREE M.I.Ts - Motivational and Inspirational Thoughts sent Monday-Friday. These M.I.Ts will be personalized messages written by yours truly and will automatically be delivered to your inbox each weekday so you won't even have to think about it. It'll be right there when you wake up.
17 Responses to “Why Getting Dumped Could Be The Best Thing That’s Ever Happened To You”
Leave a Reply
|
|
June 22nd, 2007 at
Could the timing BE any more correct when posted this??
The girl of my dreams left me yesterday because of an extremely stupid thing I did out of anger.
Later when I come back to your site, I read this. Thanks. I’ll try my best to create my own world. And not make the mistakes so many others make.
I just need the right push..
June 25th, 2007 at
I really enjoyed reading this post. It’s amazing how we are easily blinded by love. It’s clear that we need to be responsible enough to have a happy life before gambling everything we’ve worked hard for.
June 26th, 2007 at
Great article. I never thought that it would be something like this. But now it’s clear what we all need to establish first before going serious over someone.
July 7th, 2007 at
A perfect example is mine. For me my goals and ambitions are my first priority and it will be forever because its something which I can control the most and only I can dump myself from that, which is unlikely to happen. This article gives an assurance that I am doing the right thing and thanks for making me realize that.
July 20th, 2007 at
Excellent article! Both men and women should read it, because I can see both sexes moping and wasting time after break-ups.
Having gone through an extremely painful break-up, all I think about it not is that’s one of the best things that happened to me.
July 23rd, 2007 at
I’m really glad this article has helped all of you!
August 21st, 2007 at
The girl of my dreams left me. Its left me feeling terrible, and everything seems to remind me of her. Its getting better with time, but noticeably my appetite has withered and i’m not quite myself. For me this was an amazing article to read. Through this relationship I completely sacrificed who I was, and was ready to foresake my dreams for this girl, even when i knew deep in my soul that I should not do that. I was too nice to her and was a yes man, everything was ok…she even said that to me on occassions, but i paid no mind. I was happy with this fine ass chica on my arm. Anyway she basically said she had no feelings for me which hurt, and now its over. All i can say to my fellow guys is dont give up your life / dreams for any woman - and do what you have chosen in your path to the best of your ability. Never change who you are dont people please. Be a man - stand up for what you want to do, and do not put up with any rubbish from “her”. Thanks for the article - it helped me alot…..
August 22nd, 2007 at
Mr. P,
Thank you very much for sharing your personal experience with us. I’m sure it’s something that a lot of people can relate to.
I’m really glad the article has helped you out and I’m sure you’ll pull through this. It’s something that’s bound to happen to everyone but the important thing is you learn from it and move on and it looks like you’ve done just that
Thanks again.
March 5th, 2008 at
I am in the process of divorce and even in the middle of it I can see that it was a great thing. During the separation I stopped drinking, quit smoking, lost 20+ pounds (divorce diet). I become more spiritual and I rejected some false beliefs .
I do not know if we are going to reconcile but I either way I will come up OK
March 14th, 2008 at
Lian,
It’s great to see all the progress you’ve made so far. Thanks for sharing that with us.
My guess is that you’ll do just fine.
May 5th, 2008 at
i recently got dumped by a gal and my world crumbled when she did . i sacrificed everything for her i left my family , my education everything else as second priority . the biggest problem is she is and will continue to be around my life for sometime .. after reading this post , i get a feel that i should now start towards creating my new world , a better world to put myself in a better life as a better person .
May 22nd, 2008 at
I got dumped, the commitment issue was the major problem. She is turning 24 and I am 27. We have been going out 2.5 years. I have been reading lots of stuff on the web and its a very hard time for me. It is a very funny timing after reading this article because I have just been accepted by the grants office to start my dream company and I think you are right, you will meet the person who will meet your expectations if you follow your dreams. The girl will be entering my dream. I have depended too much on my x for comfort and security when really I have a dream to chase and that is what is important. Nice article, very nice indeed .
June 19th, 2008 at
wow…all your articles have inspired me and gave me a different perspective in myself…i was wondering if you have any books regarding all of these…or any recommendation..?
June 25th, 2008 at
Good article, Brian. I have no objections to investing into oneself and building one’s own world.
I would just comment that it’s not necessary to wait until the investments will drastically change you. You can build a new relationship (you agreed that it brings you so wonderful moments) while improving yourself.
August 24th, 2008 at
Vidaha,
I’m sorry to hear about your breakup but it looks like you’re back on your feet, ready to create your new world. I guarantee you, when some time passes, you’ll look back and be grateful at the events that have occurred.
Dave,
I’m sorry to hear about your breakup as well but it looks like you’re bouncing back very nicely as well. I wish you all the best!
Ray,
Thanks for the kind words. I really appreciate it. With regard to any books I would recommend, I honestly don’t have any.
Sergey,
You make a great point. Some might fall into the trap of waiting until their life is “perfect”, but they miss out on building a relationship along the way and experiencing those wonderful moments, especially in the beginning.
August 29th, 2008 at
Hey i would just like to say this article has helped me realise that i need to live my life, and now that i have been dumped so suddenly, i just want to correct everything wrong that i did in myself and improve on that. There is so much that i can accomplish and looking back at my relationship it was nice and loved her to death, but it was too clingy. Plus she always kept saying how i would never find anyone like her someone who wouldnt cheat on me. Now that i think about it, its her loss, because i gave her something that no other guy will give her i presume. unconditional love. i took racism from her parents and friends but still loved her like hell.
thank you so much for the article!
August 29th, 2008 at
No problem Alfy. I’m glad you benefited from the article and I’m glad you’re back on track now. Here’s to living your new life!