Why Nice Guys Can't Get Girls - The Definitive Guide to Self Improvement

Why Nice Guys Can’t Get Girls

This article was inspired by a book I read called “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Danny Glover.

It seems American society is being flooded with nice guys.  Every women reading this article knows EXACTLY what a nice guy is.  There’s no need to pull out Websters here.  In addition to that, every woman reading this knows AT LEAST one nice guy in her social circle.

For the men reading this, chances are if you are an American male, you have a very strong possibility of being a nice guy.  Here’s the litmus test you can use in order to determine if you are one.

Do you constantly seek approval from women?
Do you try to “buy” love from women with fancy dinners and gifts?
Do women that you like tell you you’re like a brother to them? (that’s the kiss of death btw)
When you ask women out, do they reply “Let’s just be friends.”?
Do you think it’s bad to be male?

If you find yourself nodding along to these questions, I’m sorry to be the one to point out to you that you are a 100% Certified Grade A Nice Guy with all the trimmings, but don’t despair, there is hope.

A lot of theories have been tossed around regarding why women don’t go for the nice guys.

“They’re not a challenge.”
“They’re too boring.”
“There’s no excitement.”
“They’re too easy to get.”
“They’re pushovers.”

These to me, are the superficial reasons why women don’t go for nice guys.  We need to dig a bit deeper.

What’s the root reason why nice guys can’t get the girls?

In my opinion, there are actually two root reasons.

1. They don’t embrace their masculinity.
2. They put women on a pedestal.

1.  They don’t embrace their masculinity.

The book I mentioned lists several reasons as to why men of this generation have become nice guys.  One reason that really struck me was radical feminism.  Glover stated that radical feminism led to a social climate that was extremely hostile toward men.

“All men are pigs.”
“Men are the cause of all the problems in the world.”
“Men are rapists.”
“All men are good for nothing animals who treat women like pieces of meat.”

Therefore, boys concluded that women did not like men, so they strive to hide their masculinity.  After all, men were pigs right? And women don’t like that right?  So don’t be a man, and you won’t be a pig and women will like that right?  Twisted reasoning indeed.

The result?

Women all over America becoming extremely frustrated with the lack of real men today.  Radical feminism has tasted the fruits of its labor and it is very bitter.

Don’t mess with nature.  If you’re male, be male.  If you’re female, be female.  Don’t hide it.  Embrace it.

Get the notion of “It’s bad to be male” out of your head right this second.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being male.

Just like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being female, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being male.

Embrace your masculinity.  Do not be ashamed of it.

2.  They put women on a pedestal.

The book also states that because of a shift from an agrarian to a manufacturing society in America, as well as several wars in between, boys were left without fathers at home.

Furthermore, the educational system was primarily comprised of females.

With the absence of male influence at home and at school, boys were conditioned to look to women for definition and approval.  This habit carries on to adulthood in the form of guys seeking approval from women.

Nice guys see women they like and automatically put them on a pedestal, wondering what they can do to gain their approval.  Maybe write them a 10 page love letter, or make them a mix tape, or shower them with expensive gifts, all in a vain attempt to gain her approval and win her love.

They do all this in the beginning of a relationship, hence having the quality of “coming on too strong, being too eager and not being enough of a challenge.”  By doing these things from the very beginning, men silently imply that they are not good enough and must resort to other tactics to deem themselves worthy of women.

Nice guys see women and think, “Man, I have to do something in order to get that girl.  They’re way up there and I’m way down here so I have to compensate somehow”.

As a result, nice guys spend their every waking moment, dreaming of how they can get the girl.  They spend all their free time around the girl, going shopping with her, listening to all her complaints, sympathizing with the problems she is having with her boyfriend, all in a vain attempt to gain her approval in hopes that one day she will come racing into his arms.

Women are human.  They eat, breath, sleep, and go to the bathroom on a regular basis just like the rest of us.  Women are not goddesses.  They have the same insecurities (if not more) as you and I.  There’s nothing different about them.  They’re human.

Don’t think that you have to gain approval from them.

All right, so how can you stop being a nice guy?

Don’t be afraid to be male. Embrace your masculinity.

But what does it mean to embrace your masculinity?  What does it mean to be male?

Let’s break down attraction to the most basic elements.

Male and female.

Males are attracted to females.

Females are attracted to males.

Biologically speaking, what makes somebody male?

Testosterone.

Biologically speaking, what makes somebody female?

Estrogen.

Testosterone is attracted to estrogen.

Estrogen is attracted to testosterone.

Ever wonder why the jocks got the girls in high school?  They worked out and played in competitive sports; two things conducive to promoting testosterone in the body.

Ever wonder why “bad boys” and criminals get the women?  They’re risk takers. They pay no attention to law. They’re reckless and dangerous.  Again, symptoms of high testosterone.

Research has linked high testosterone to criminal behavior.

Research has linked competition and weight lifting to high testosterone as well.

Women are attracted to the jocks and bad boys simply because they are male in the sense that they have high testosterone.

Is the flip side true?  Are men attracted to beautiful women simply because they are women in the sense that they have high estrogen?

Yes, studies have shown that men are attracted to women with high estrogen levels as well.

(Btw, you will find women use make up as well in order to give the illusion of the physical characteristics of high estrogen in order to attract males)

There’s a deeper science that goes into this about how high levels of testosterone and estrogen reflect underlying health and fertility, but I won’t get into that.

Strictly speaking in biological terms, testosterone makes the man and estrogen makes the women.

Is this surprising?  No.

Drill down to the basics.

I am male, she is female.

Act accordingly and attraction will not be a problem.

Now, am I advocating that you go and inject yourself with 500 liters of testosterone?  Absolutely not. Injecting yourself with synthetic testosterone shuts down your body’s ability to produce it naturally.

I am advocating however, that you engage in activities that will raise your testosterone levels.

Lifting heavy weights on a consistent basis coupled with proper nutrition and rest will raise levels of testosterone in the body.  When you lift heavy weights, you literally create little tears in your muscle tissues.  Testosterone, an anabolic hormone responsible for muscle growth among many other things, is produced by the body in order to rebuild the muscle to resist against future weight.

So instead of sitting on your butt playing World of Warcraft, Playstation, or X Box, get out there and pick up the weights.

You will find that by building your testosterone, your demeanor toward women and theirs toward you will change.  When you lock eyes with a beautiful women, you won’t immediately shift your eyes to the ground and be embarrassed. You’ll lock eye contact with her and be comfortable about it.  SHE will be the one who looks away.

You will find that women will start paying more attention to you.  It’s as if they’re equipped with incredibly sensitive receptors to testosterone.  (studies have shown that women are capable of identifying individuals with high testosterone simply by smelling sweaty t-shirts)

Try a regimen of weightlifting and compare your attitude and results with the opposite sex after a short period of time.  You’ll be pleasantly surprised.

If you want more information on building muscle as well as losing fat, two things that are conducive to increasing testosterone in the body, check out Tom Venuto’s book Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle.

And don’t become so obsessed with testosterone that you start letting it control you, in terms of your behavior and attitude.  Then you’ll turn into the jerk or the criminal.

The key is to have testosterone and control it.  Don’t let it control you.

Just be true to your nature.

To illustrate my point even further, imagine a woman with a thick beard, mustache and a deep voice hitting on you at the bar.  You would be repulsed right? Of course you would!  This woman is not embracing her true nature as a female.

Women are a million times more repulsed because nice guys do exactly the same thing.  They don’t embrace their true nature as a male.

If you’re male, be male.  If you’re female, be female and let nature take its course.

You don’t need the memorize pick up lines.  You don’t need to psych yourself up to meet women.  You don’t need to make a ton of money.  You don’t need to have a great job.  You don’t need the BMW.

You just need to be male.  Everything you need is already inside of you.

Use it.

Don’t make women the focal point of your life.

Nice guys revolve their entire lives around the women.  Nice guys spend all their time dreaming of all the future possibilities with her.  They do all this from the get go.  What must I do to get her?  I’ll write her poetry.  I’ll take her out to the most expensive restaurant and show her how wealthy I am. I’ll buy her favorite pair of shoes that she mentioned in a conversation nine years ago.  They’ll drop whatever they are doing at a drop of a dime and be at their beck and call 24/7.

All acts reeking of extreme desperation.

What’s the solution? Is it to try not to act desperate?

These are when the “rules of dating” come into play.  Call her three days later, act aloof, be a challenge.  That’s all utter garbage.  That’s all smoke and mirrors.

Don’t try to fake not being desperate by following these “rules”.  Just don’t be desperate naturally.  How?

Don’t make women the focal point in your life.  Have something else going for you.  Have a worthy goal or dream you are pursuing that is of higher priority than women.

Have a dream.  Have a goal and work toward it.  Women will not seem that intimidating anymore.  You won’t spend all your time with her.  You won’t become “too easy” or “boring” because you’ve got something else going for you.

Instead of using all your time, money, and energy pursing women, use all that to accomplish your own goals.  Napoleon Hill refers to this as sexual transmutation.  Channel all that energy into fulfilling your own goals and you will find yourself unstoppable.  Go on your own program of self improvement.

Nice guys place their worthiness and happiness on getting the girl.  Instead of doing that, make your own life happy and worthwhile by pursuing your own goals and ambitions.  Then, she’ll be the one asking, “What can I do to get him?”

So nice guys, don’t feel so bad.  Society is structured to easily make nice guys of any male but the key is not to blame society and if you’re a frustrated nice guy, the key is not to blame women in general.  It’s just to become aware that the common factor is YOU and that you change by embracing your right to be male.

Embrace your masculinity, take women off the pedestal, and don’t make women the focus of your life.  Harness all that time, money, and energy and apply it toward realizing your own goals and dreams and the nice guy within will never appear ever again.

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