Of the many things in life that cut us deep (emotionally speaking), rejection has got to rank up there, especially when it comes to dating.
We experience rejection on a lesser level during job hunting, pitching ideas to others, proposing certain activities when in groups, etc.
But regardless of what the experience rejection rears itself, it hurts.
Make no doubt about it.
We invest a lot into whatever we are â€śpitchingâ€ť and because we invest a lot on our own part – our ideas, time, effort, energy, we canâ€™t help but NOT separate ourselves from what we are pitching.
Rejection cuts deep because it triggers something in you that comes from tribal human instinct. Rejection back in the day meant, on a severe scale, being shunned from the group, and if you werenâ€™t part of the group, you couldnâ€™t survive for too long.
Avoiding rejection is literally tied to our survival instinct.
Whatâ€™s more, rejection brings us down in life into this nasty rut.
We fall into this hole that just gets deeper and deeper. We ruminate over why we were rejected, what it was about us that accounted for the rejection, why we are that way, etc.
By the time we finally muster up the gusto to crawl back out, when the opportunity to â€śpitchâ€ť presents itself again, we find ourselves more hesitant than ever because we donâ€™t want to experience rejection and the hole we just climbed out of.
How do we solve this?
Fact: Everyone gets rejected.
Itâ€™s as normal as breathing in and out.
Itâ€™s not an isolated incident.
Moreover, you donâ€™t really know EXACTLY what the reason might be for the rejection. It might possibly have NOTHING to do with you at all, yet we always think it does, which is just our ego getting in the way.
Perhaps the other person isnâ€™t in the mood, is having one of the crappiest days ever, or just doesnâ€™t want to deal with anything right now.
You donâ€™t know.
So donâ€™t automatically assume it is you.
But even if it is, donâ€™t fret about it because again, everyone gets rejected.
The secret to not taking rejection personally lies in the focus.
Donâ€™t focus on the rejection.
Focus on the doing.
Be consistent in â€śpitchingâ€ť.
There WILL come a day, when you wonâ€™t get rejected.
Until that time comes, you will naturally learn how to reduce rejection and develop thick skin too pretty easily.
If you focus on the rejection, you go automatically to the â€śwhy me?â€ť question and your brain of course, since itâ€™s a computer, answers accordingly and spits out all these reasons why you were rejected.
That triggers the spiral and down the hole you go.
When the focus is just on consistency, on pitching, it doesnâ€™t sting so much.
Now, thereâ€™s a little catch to this, a very subtle one and if you miss it, you wonâ€™t progress very far.
When you focus on the doing, donâ€™t go all out the first time.
Think of like when youâ€™re swimming. Most of us gradually enter the pool, body part by body part so we can adjust to the temperature.
First a toe, then a foot, then a leg, then the other leg, we squat a bit, splash water on our chest, rub it on our arms, and then slowly submerge fully under the water.
It doesnâ€™t shock us that bad if we try that approach.
Now letâ€™s assume metaphorically that a guy tried the cannon ball approach into the pool when he finally mustered up the courage to ask out a girl he kind of knew.
The girl said no.
Heâ€™s probably not going to want to â€ścannon ballâ€ť ever again.
So this time he doesnâ€™t go all out the first time.
He dips a toe into the pool.
Figuratively speaking, what does that mean?
He just says â€śHiâ€ť to every woman he encounters in his daily life.
The women at the gym, women in the parking lot, workplace, supermarket, coffee place, bookstore, dry cleaners, etc.
Just â€śHiâ€ť. Nothing else.
Then, the â€śhowâ€™s it going?â€ť
Then the â€śI like that ______. Where did you get it?â€ť
And on and on and on.
Soon, heâ€™s comfortable with talking to women. Itâ€™s as natural to him as breathing. Plus, he knows a ton of women now. His pool for potential dates is pretty big.
So he finally musters up the courage to ask out a woman he fancies, a different woman this time.
But thatâ€™s OK now.
See, itâ€™s easy for him to regroup and ask out another woman because the whole idea of being comfortable around women is natural to him now. He also has a lot of women to choose from. He went through that process of getting comfortable around women and now talking to them is second nature whereas before, he skipped that process and â€ścannon balledâ€ť in.
I hope the difference here is clear.
Itâ€™s not about â€ścannon ballingâ€ť consistently, at least not in the beginning.
In the beginning, you become consistent in the doing of the process, and that will inevitably lead you to become comfortable with â€ścannon ballingâ€ť and thatâ€™s when you start doing it consistently and getting the results you seek.
I use the dating example because it represents one of highest levels of anxiety that rejection finds itself in.
If a guy/girl can conquer rejection in that arena, chances are, anything else will be a pretty easy to deal with.
Stop taking rejection so personally.
It happens to everyone.
Focus not on the rejection, but on the doing, on the process.
As you do it, youâ€™ll learn a hell of a lot and all that experience and learning will give you the confidence to â€ścannon ballâ€ť and if you get rejected, no biggie, because now you have what it takes to easily â€ścannon ballâ€ť consistently.