We’ve all been there. It’s agonizing. We list the pros and cons, we get advice from other people, we read books, but it seems like the more we analyze, the more we can’t decide. We’re paralyzed between two seemingly good choices. What kind of job to take, where to move, who to marry, we agonize over whether or not we’ll be making the wrong decision, we struggle to find the best choice.
But amidst all this, something so obvious and simple needs to be stated and that is simply this:
There is no absolute best choice.
Think about it. If there was, it’d be an easy decision to make right? You’d be able to easily see which choice to choose.
But all choices come with tradeoffs and while that may seem like the part that’s causing all the indecision problems, it actually contains the solution.
There IS a relative best that will break the indecision logjam and make you feel comfortable with the choice you make, so that you will have peace with it, and go full bore ahead with it.
It’s simply to ask yourself what you value.
What’s important to you?
If you can begin to list those values and rank them in order of importance, the decision will start to become a lot clearer to you because based on those answers. The two choices will begin to show their differences and you’ll have an easier time deciding which is the way to go.
But here’s the thing.
There’s still this vestige of indecision gnawing at you, wondering whether the choice you’re leaning toward is the “right” one and that’s often because the choice you make goes against society’s choice.
More often than not, a person’s values and that of the society they’re living in will not match up 100%.
And the natural instinct that’s within all of us is to follow the crowd. Follow the group. Follow society. It’s safe to do so.
So when our choice goes against society, there’s that vestige of indecision because we’re literally battling the survival mechanism in our brain there.
To go against the group meant certain death back in day so that’s why it’s so hard to choose something contrary to society’s choice because it lights up the life and death alarm bell in your head.
So what can help us snuff that last bit of indecision out?
One way that’s often effective is to write a letter to yourself detailing your thought process on why you decided on your particular choice. Carefully lay it all out.
You may be struggling between taking a high paying job that will provide a lot of financial wiggle room for your family, but takes a lot of time vs. one that pays less and gives you more time but feels like you’re treading water a bit financially.
You may come to choose the latter choice and soon feel insecure because society says to climb the ladder, put the almighty dollar above all else, live the high life but if you write a letter to yourself, explaining to yourself your reasoning, that you don’t have to spend much money to have a great time with the kids, find other ways to get by, reduce expenses, live more simply, less stress, better health, eventually you’ll come around.
And there WILL be times when you will NEED to pull that letter out and remind yourself simply because society is conditioning us 24/7 with their values.
Other people will choose different choices and that may make you wonder if you made the right choice but you have to remember that they may value certain things differently than you or maybe they just decided to follow society’s lead. That’s their decision. It has nothing to do with you.
When you can make a choice based on what you value, what you believe, and remind yourself of it, not only will the decision be easier, but sticking to it and reaping the benefits of it will be easier too.
Decision are hard when you don’t know yourself and what you value.
Sort the inside out and you’ll find the best choices to make on the outside.
You won’t regret it.