Most of the problems we have with various people in our lives can be traced back to some form of judging that sparked it all. A statement was made about our lifestyle, appearance, work, etc., and it cut us deep, so we naturally retaliate, judge the person who initially judged us, and then it becomes a judging arms race.
Things get ugly, rumors are spread, sides are chosen, and in some cases, both parties stop speaking altogether to one another and avoid each other at all costs.
Judging sparks it all so we have to get a grip on this thing. If we can diffuse it, we can prevent a lot of problems down the road.
In a twist of irony, it turns out it’s easy to see others doing the judging but not when it comes to ourselves. If you’re not conscious of what’s going on in your mind, it’s easy to miss the fact that you project all the time. This person is an idiot for doing that, that person is doing good, this person should be doing this instead of that, etc.
The thing is, once you start judging, others will judge you accordingly as well in their eyes and that’s where the conflict begins.
But once you become conscious of the times you judge, then the next step is to acknowledge the universal fact that people are different. They have their own reasons for doing things. They have different values.
Just like you.
And they’re allowed to have those differences.
Just like you.
It’s those differences that form beliefs and then those beliefs get projected in the form of judging others.
Once you’re cognizant of how people are different, then it becomes easier to accept others.
And when you start to accept others for who they are and what they do, then what you’ll find in time, is that the majority of them will eventually accept you too.
It won’t be automatic though. It will take time.
And in the meantime, for those who are still judging you even though you’ve accepted them, realize that it’s not them doing the judging, but their beliefs.
It’s a separate thing.
Think of the beliefs as the glasses and the person as the person. People mistake the two as the same thing. The glasses are NOT the person. The person is WEARING the glasses. It’s the glasses that’s causing the judging.
It would be kind of silly to be mad at somebody for their glasses.
Instead, simply thank them for sharing their judgment because in the end, that’s all they really want.
It’s to be heard and it’s through feeling like they’ve been heard, that they feel validated.
Let them have it.
Realize there’s no need to feel hurt since you know it’s their glasses doing all the work.
Sure you’d love to change their “prescription”, but their glasses have taken years to form so change won’t happen overnight.
Let them do the judging and one day, hopefully they will recognize what they’re doing and perhaps your acceptance of them will help them realize it.
I think the biggest thing people miss when it comes to judging is that when you judge others, you automatically judge yourself, and MUCH MORE HARSHLY than you do others.
When you realize that, you begin to feel pity for those who keep on judging others because you know deep down inside, they’re judging themselves much more harshly.
If you can catch yourself judging, if you can realize the differences in people, and accept them for who they are, you’ll find that others will accept you, you’ll accept yourself, and you’ll live life in peace and harmony.
Too much drama is caused through the judging of others.
If we can find a way to see what’s really happening from a bird’s eye point of view, then it becomes that much more easier to deal with it and prevent future problems as well.
Life is too short to waste time and energy judging other people.
It’s time to rise above it.