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How to Let Go of a Grudge

By: Brian Kim - December 14, 2010

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We’ve all had them.

Held on to them for WAY too long.

We try to get rid of them but we just can’t seem to let go.

Grudges have a way of piercing into our skin and getting themselves lodged into our soul. They stay there and fester for days, weeks, even years on end

The more we ruminate on them, the madder we get. It’s a pretty bad cycle to be in.

Why do we get them?

Obviously, we feel somebody wronged us in some way. We feel like we’ve been taken advantage of, underappreciated, not taken seriously, and everything else under the sun.

How can we put this to rest?

Well for starters, look at it this way.

The other person probably put it to rest 2 seconds after they did it. They probably didn’t even think twice about it afterwards.

Now here you are, YEARS later still fuming about it.

That person hasn’t done a single thing to you since then (whatever that incident was) and here you are now, STILL being affected by it.

He/she hasn’t done any hurting to you since then.

YOU have.

You’re hurting yourself.

Realize that and the grudge tends to get violently dislodged from you.

Here you’ve been thinking it’s the other person hurting you all this time, but it’s really been you.

Yes, initially they might have hurt you but after some time passes, it’s ALL been you. You’ve been blowing it up into this huge thing in your mind and you’ve let THAT hurt you.

Think about what that grudge rumination is doing to your body. Your muscles are tense. Your shoulders are tense. Jaw clenched. You’re angry. Your blood pressure is rising. Your body is pumping out cortisone. You can’t sleep. You’re tossing and turning in your bed. You’re mad as hell and feel like you can’t do anything about it.

And here the other person that wronged you is sleeping like a baby in ignorant bliss.

Yes, that other person may have hurt you initially but after a period of time passes, if it still hurts – it’s you that’s doing the hurting.

Hell, you can even say you’ve done the hurting the INSTANT you judged that action as an attack on you in some way.

Technically that’s true, but it’s the rare person who can frame it that way. Most people react to grudge inducing action instantly the way we all do – we take it personally.

Yes, this is all sort of a “flip the table” type trick that doesn’t address the root of the problem but it does work in that it gives us a mental jolt that helps dislodge our grudge.

Now how do we get this grudge to disappear?

For one thing, whatever he/she done, realize they may not have realized the full impact of it. Maybe they didn’t do it on purpose. Maybe they did. Maybe something else totally unrelated was on their mind when they did it. Maybe in some sick, twisted way, they were even trying to help you.

Can you really, truly know?

The truth is, you don’t have all the facts so any assumptions you make are baseless.

And here you are letting these baseless assumptions ruin you all this time.

Add to that, YOU might’ve done something similar to others in the past without even realizing it.

We’re all human.

We’re all imperfect.

We’re all going to make mistakes when it comes with interacting with one another.

Let’s not take what seems to be the bad with us and keep it for years on end.

Let’s stop hurting ourselves.

Let’s move on by doing the one thing that will truly make it all go away – by truly forgiving one another and get on with our lives with that much needed peace of mind.

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