The Myths of Networking
By: Brian Kim - July 5, 2007
Whenever I hear the phrase, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”, I cringe a little inside. I cringe because it’s an incomplete and potentially misleading phrase.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s some truth to that phrase, but the majority of people fall victim to the belief that you just have to be well connected and everything else will fall into place. Shake a lot of hands, collect a bunch of business cards, fill your cell phone with numbers, and you’re all set.
Not entirely true. There are a couple of hidden issues here that need to be dealt with in order to really understand the common myths behind networking.
So let’s tackle the first issue. Quantity.
I see this all the time. People bragging that they know x amount of people, showing how their cell phone is filled to the brink, but just because you know many people does not necessarily mean you’re better off than someone who knows a handful. I’m a big fan of quality over quantity. In the short run, that approach doesn’t seem effective, but in the long run, it works. The error in pursuing quantity over quality when it comes to networking is that you don’t spend enough time cultivating quality relationships. There’s only so much time in the day. There’s only so much time you can spend building relationships. And if you try to spread yourself over a large number of people, nothing ever really gets done. It’s like trying to wave a magnifying glass all day, hoping that something will catch fire. You have to choose wisely who you wish to network with, who you wish to build quality relationships with, and then take it from there.
One of the most obvious perks that people find with networking is that it helps you find jobs. The whole idea of networking is often called “the hidden job market”. If you don’t take the time to build quality relationships, then you’re no better off than a stranger asking people for a job. Maybe you shook hands, exchanged some words, and got each other’s card, but the fact remains, there’s no “solid” relationship. You can’t just go up to a person you don’t have a quality relationship with and ask for help looking for a job and except great help to come your way. What’s going through the other persons’ mind is – Why should I? I don’t even know you that well.
The whole point of networking is to develop quality relationships and when you take the time to cultivate them, then you can grow your network through those relationships you’ve created, so you don’t have to establish yourself back from square one when dealing with an entirely “new” person.
This brings us to the second issue which is the common take, take, take mentality with networking. We all have our own agenda and we are always pretty much looking for others to help with our agenda. If everyone has that mentality, nothing will ever get done, unless their agendas mutually coincide which is not really happening a majority of the time.
The obvious antidote is to give first, even if it seems it might take time or delay your own agenda. That’s not to say be a complete doormat but elicit what the other person’s agenda is and see how you can help them first. Time, energy, contacts, etc., are all resources that you can use to help the other person. It all plays nicely into the “what’s in it for me concept” that’s embedded in all people and when you offer first to help with whatever the other person’s agenda is, it becomes easier for them to reciprocate.
The last issue that most people forget to look at when it comes to networking is themselves. You have to develop yourself as a person. You’ve got to be the best person you can be and do the best work you can. Constantly improving yourself, in all aspects is crucial. If you’re the kind of person who’s not responsible, doesn’t really have anything to offer, can’t really connect with people, then networking serves no purpose to you because there’s nothing of value to network with. If you can’t work this simple foundation, networking is of no use.
It is what you know AND who you know, but who you know well. Who you have a quality relationship with to the point where they will gladly help you with your own agenda. Find the people who you wish to build these kinds of relationships with, nurture them, give whatever you can and work on yourself in the meantime. Everything else will take care of itself.
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2 Responses to “The Myths of Networking”
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July 5th, 2007 at
Brian, you’ve hit the nail on the issue again… Networking will only work if it’s in a win-win setting. Nothing beats you giving first because only then will the other party sense your sincerity in making the relationship work. And no matter which level the relationship is taken to, both parties should also exercise great etiquette in approaching the whole process.
Love your blog
Cheers, Ellesse
August 24th, 2008 at
Very well said Ellesse.
And thanks for the kind words. I really appreciate it!