It’s understandable.
You want to protect your baby boy or baby girl. Keep them in that safe bubble. You don’t want to see that look of anguish on their face when they get their first “hit” of failure. You don’t want to damage their self esteem or self confidence.
So you protect them by doing things for them or by preventing them from doing things you think they’ll fail at.
But you know deep down inside, protecting them against failure is not good because in the long run, it will work against them.
Failing miserably is a good thing.
And it should be allowed.
We need to change this whole stigma around failure in our kids.
Here’s 3 reasons why.
1. It’s a great way to identify their strengths and weaknesses.
Let your kids try everything. It’s a great time to experiment. Over time, you’ll see where their strengths lie. Art, athleticism, writing, building, socializing, etc.
It will become apparent BUT only by allowing children to try a bunch of things in which they will fail miserably at some to reveal their weaknesses and succeed at some to reveal their greatest strengths.
Failing miserably allows your kids to hone in on the kind of work they’d be best suited for and gives them a HUGE advantage over those who just go through the system of school and university and graduate with no idea on what kind of work they’d be great at.
Most of our strengths can be traced to the things we did best when we were kids.
2. It teaches them the important skill of what to do NEXT.
In order to get good at anything, you need “reps”. You need practice. People think that “failure” is ONE THING.
It’s NOT.
It’s the BEGINNING of a PROCESS.
And the most important part of that process is what to do next, which is NOTICE and ADJUST.
Notice what’s working, what’s not working, and make an adjustment.
Try something again.
Rinse and repeat.
The magic isn’t at failing.
It’s in the part afterwards and the more you can give your kids “reps” for that, the more they will push through and the quicker they will bounce back from the “initial hit” of failure that stops so many.
3. Most important of all – It helps take out all the emotional stigma around “failure”.
This whole negative emotional energy and stigma around “failure” that society constantly reinforces needs to go.
It’s blown way out of proportion.
To fail at something should not conjure up images of gasps, pointed fingers, shame, humiliation, embarrassment, worthlessness, etc.
Yet, that’s EXACTLY what parents are instilling in their kinds when shielding them from failure.
Kids are super intuitive and can sense things from their parents and make connections. In their mind – they’re thinking on some level that “If my are parents are shielding me from failure, failure must be a really, really, bad, dangerous thing – something that I must never do and avoid at all costs so I won’t even try because it’s too risky.”
And in a day and age where CHANGE is CONSTANT, where those who learn to TRY NEW THINGS and ADJUST will be the ones who thrive, parents are depriving their kids of the very skill they so desperately need.
To keep on doing things for your kids that you think they can’t do or to keep on preventing them from doing things that you think they’ll fail at – you’re subtly sending them a message to not try new things.
You can’t do it. You don’t have what it takes. Somebody else has to do it for you. You’ll fail. And failure is the worst thing you can do.
Allowing your kids to fail miserably over time and teaching them what to do next will slowly siphon the negative emotional energy around failure to the point where the whole process is this very logical, non emotional thing.
It’s like driving to a new place. You map out the route but the streets are so unfamiliar that you miss a couple turns here and there so you have to make some U turns, double back, maybe even ask for directions if the map is old.
But it’s no big deal.
The world isn’t going to end because you didn’t make it to the new place by following the most efficient route.
What’s the next step to take?
Let’s take it.
What worked?
What didn’t work?
Based on that, what’s another step we can take?
None of this “If you fail you’re a total loser” mentality.
If you allow your kids to fail miserably and teach them what to do next, if you keep this up, then your kids will UNDOUBTEDLY SUCCEED in a generation where most kids are raised to be petrified to make the first move out of this ENORMOUS FEAR OF FAILURE instilled by their parents.
It won’t even be a contest.
The time to train them is now.
To teach them that failure can be a great filter.
That it can show them where to go.
That it can show them what to do next.
That it’s completely natural.
That’s it’s to be expected.
And that it’s not about getting it right the first time, every time – because who can?
That it’s about the PROCESS of taking action, noticing the results, and adjusting.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
