â€śItâ€™s hard to meet people.â€ť
Thatâ€™s a statement youâ€™re guaranteed to hear uttered from the mouths of many people you encounter in your lifetime.
What it essentially translates into is:
â€śI canâ€™t find seem to find any people that I want to date.â€ť
And it is hard to meet people in that sense.
And this fact hits people the hardest when they leave school. Never again will they find themselves in such a saturated environment, where they were consistently surrounded by members of the opposite sex of the same age group.
Upon leaving school, most people go on to work 9-5, come home, watch TV or maybe go to the gym, then eat out and watch a movie with their friends on Saturday, go to religious service on Sunday and watch TV at night and then repeat the same cycle the next week.
Strictly looking at that schedule wise, itâ€™s easy to see why itâ€™s hard to meet new people.
They never do.
Humans are creatures of habit. Itâ€™s easy to crash at home after work, itâ€™s easy to cling to the same group of friends every weekend and do the same things with them week after week after week. Itâ€™s routine. Itâ€™s safe. And itâ€™s comfortable. Again, just purely looking at the logistics of the schedule, itâ€™s easy to see why some people have trouble meeting new people.
Because of this schedule that most people have, itâ€™s easy to see why office romances can easily bloom as a result as well. The office is another version of school, in the sense that thereâ€™s that element of consistency. You meet the same group of people over a long period of time and as time passes, you naturally get to know each other well and things grow from there.
Some office romances can work out but some can also end badly as well. Very badly if youâ€™re not careful.
Outside the office, you have other means of meeting people like the bar scene, the party scene, â€śpicking upâ€ť women that you fancy wherever they may be, etc. Iâ€™m not really a big fan of these types of plans to meet people simply because itâ€™s a shot in the dark. Sure, they can work out, but the chances are slim just because of the sheer randomness of it all. For all you know, the person you meet may not be, how shall I put it â€“ mentally stable. You never know â€“ thatâ€™s the point.
Youâ€™d be better off if you had â€śfiltersâ€ť and I use that for a lack of a better word. I use that word in the sense that it will sort out all the people out there to bring you the ones that might match you the best.
Your friends, family, relatives, even co-workers can arguably act as the best â€śfiltersâ€ť simply because they know you pretty well. They in turn know other people who know other people who know other people, etc., and they can see who might be a good match for you among these people and I know the whole idea of setting you up with someone may seem embarrassing, crude, even archaic, but in reality, it does have a better shot for you in terms of meeting people because you essentially â€śfilterâ€ť. You also save yourself a lot of time and money from being wasted on pursuing people who in the end, you just donâ€™t find click well with you.
Now, is it as simple as telling everyone you know that you want them to set you up with somebody?
No. Itâ€™s not that simple.
In order for that plan to really work, they have to be able to feel fully comfortable in â€śsellingâ€ť you. Again, I use â€śsellingâ€ť for lack of a better word and I am in no way endorsing that people â€śliterallyâ€ť sell other people. I use it to describe the process they have to engage in. Itâ€™s a crude analogy to describe the dating game because in the end, we are all in one way or another “selling” ourselves – the whole package to the opposite sex. You are the product. You are essentially selling yourself.
And youâ€™ve got to understand that when you ask people to see if they can set you up with somebody, youâ€™re putting them in a somewhat awkward position if you donâ€™t do your best to be your best. They wonâ€™t feel all that comfortable because their reputation is on the line now as their recommendation reflects on them as well so do your best to be your best to make them as comfortable as possible in that aspect.
Ask for some constructive criticism from those around you. Is there something you can improve upon in areas such as personality, appearance, demeanor, social skills? Sometimes, people have a really hard time seeing their own faults but I can guarantee you that the people around you will have NO problem pointing them out to you if you just ask and tell them you wonâ€™t hold it against them if they answer. Donâ€™t take it too personally when you start hearing about the things that you might need to work on. Just see if you can improve upon them.
Salesman canâ€™t do their jobs well unless they FULLY BELIEVE in the product they are selling, which in this case is YOU and the better off you improve yourself, the better off the return will be on your investment.
I say that because there are many people out there who set high standards when it comes to the opposite sex. They want it ALL and I suppose that the media has a hand in all that considering the fact that they only portray the highest standards in terms of male and female attractiveness in movies, television, and magazines.
I for one believe that thereâ€™s nothing wrong with having high standards in general. I donâ€™t buy the fact that you shouldnâ€™t date somebody who you think is out of your â€śleagueâ€ť. I say go for it all.
The only thing is that the same level of those standards you apply to the opposite sex must also be applied to you.
If you want somebody whoâ€™s financially responsible, you have to be financially responsible as well.
If you want somebody who takes the time and energy to take care of their appearance and their figure, you should do the same as well.
If you want somebody whoâ€™s trustworthy and dependable, you should strive to develop those qualities as well (if you havenâ€™t already done so).
Only then can one strive for high standards in the opposite sex without looking like a fool in the process.
After youâ€™ve improved yourself to the best of your ability, itâ€™s time to â€śmarketâ€ť yourself and that comes in the form of letting the people you know search for somebody who they think might â€śclick wellâ€ť with you.
Obviously, the more people you have searching for you, the better the chances will be of finding some prospects for you.
Among the people involved in this search, one of the most powerful ones in terms of social power is the â€śsocial connector.â€ť This is the person that everyone knows and the person that knows everybody as well. We all know somebody who fits this exact profile even if he/she is not in our direct social circle. This is the person who knows the most people so statistically speaking, has a greater chance of finding somebody who can click well with you.
If you know a social connector, then great, youâ€™re in luck. If not, donâ€™t worry about it. See if you can get close to one and form a strong friendship with them. Since they know everybody, not only can they search and filter for you, but they can bring a lot of people TO you by hosting parties or events and inviting you to them.
It is NOT easy to be a social connector. Very few people are because you have to constantly maintain old relationships while building new ones, and then maintain all those relationships again, while slowly expanding your circle as well. It takes a lot of time and energy and effort to do all that and few people will do so with a circle of that magnitude. Most peopleâ€™s social circles are pretty small as itâ€™s easier to manage and also more convenient.
Ultimately, at the end of it all, itâ€™s going to be hard to meet new people but itâ€™s up to you to take the initiative, whether that means you approaching people directly or you asking those around you to â€śfilterâ€ť for you.
Whatever path you choose, the odds are better if you improve yourself as much as possible.
If you choose to approach people directly, you probably have a better shot at starting at places where you meet other people consistently, whether itâ€™s work, your place of worship, the park, the gym â€“ simply because thereâ€™s that element of consistency which brings about the element of familiarity, which breeds a small amount of trust and also allows time to get to know one another without any sort of pressure to get any contact information in the event that you never see them again, which probably wonâ€™t happen because youâ€™re consistently meeting with them.
If you can approach people, work on yourself, and have other people filter for you, then youâ€™re a triple threat and it makes meeting people that much easier.
With regard to approaching people, I understand that most men are not comfortable with the idea of approaching women and asking for their number. Fear of rejection, humiliation, and ridicule fill their minds. It is a terrifying thought at first.
The only cure to that is to start approaching ALL types of people. Old people, young people, married people, mailmen, store clerks, police officers, firemen, teachers, students, etc. Strike up conversations, say hi, make small talk and just interact with as many people as you can. It doesnâ€™t have to be the perfect conversation. Just get comfortable starting conversations with people and as you do, youâ€™ll become more and more comfortable with the whole process itself.
Then, when you approach women, it wonâ€™t feel any different.
Most men tend to immediately put women up on a pedestal, especially extremely attractive ones when they first see them and they psyche themselves out right form the get go when they do this so they canâ€™t approach them.
Women are human. Theyâ€™re just people. Ordinary human beings. Nothing more, nothing less. Making them anything more than that is unhealthy and the same thing goes for men as well.
We are all human beings. We all share the same basic thoughts and feelings. We all hate being rejected. We would all like to find someone ideally suited for us. We all want to be appreciated.
Realizing that the people around you are human just like you makes it that much easier to approach them.
Hereâ€™s another tip to remember if you fear approaching women.
Itâ€™s that most of them want to meet people as well. And itâ€™s hard for them to do so as theyâ€™re stuck in the â€ścycleâ€ť that most other people are too. They wonâ€™t mind if you go up and talk to them as long as you do it so you donâ€™t come across as threatening. In fact, they will probably be flattered by it.
Build the foundation first by being the best you can be and take matters into your own hands by directly approaching people OR by having other people â€śfilterâ€ť for you OR do both.
Whatever you choose to do, realize that in the end, meeting people will always begin and end with YOU.