For some odd reason, the 2nd most popular request for articles to write that I get come from 20 something males regarding the subject of dating and getting over breakups. On that note, I wanted to write an article that will hopefully put a stop to these flow of requests – and it’s not that I don’t like getting those emails, it’s just that I find myself saying the same thing over and over again so I hope this article will put an end to those types of questions.
I’m going to describe a typical scenario that I’m sure most guys can relate to. If you find that you don’t, you may know somebody who will.
Boy meets girl.
Boy falls head over heels in love with girl.
Boy spends every waking minute with girl.
Boy forsakes his friends, family, dreams for girl.
Girl dumps boy.
Boy’s heart is broken in half.
Probably one of the most vulnerable points in any man’s life (or woman’s for that matter), is when they are dumped. And nobody likes to get dumped. Nobody. It hurts. And it hurts pretty bad. Everybody takes it personally as a sign of rejection of who they are as a person and what they’re all about.
Then comes the playing of sad love songs, reminiscing about the girl, thinking about her all the time, wanting to get back together, depression, no appetite – the whole works. Everybody deals with rejection in their own way but whatever the recovery process is for that person, it’s very painful to see it from the outside.
What will most likely happen next is that he will get over it, but will repeat the same process again with another woman, and another, and another until this realization finally hits him.
That the problem does not lie with the women; it lies with him.
And it’s a bitter pill to swallow. Specifically, he is placing his happiness and self worth, in effect his world so to speak, onto the girl and the relationship. He is not happy unless he has the girl and the relationship. He is hoping the girl and the relationship will solve his problems. You take that away and he becomes a mess.
But you can’t blame guys for thinking like that because a relationship does bring happiness and good times. It’s a good thing and I’m certainly not advocating one to become a monk and abstain from women.
What I am advocating here is to become happy, to create your own world independent of the woman and of the relationship, in short to not need it as much.
Why? Because women can smell needy guys and desperation a mile away and more often than not, guys will cling to a woman like a life preserver reeking of neediness and desperation, as she has become their entire life, leaving behind anything else and it’s because of this neediness and desperation that women dump men like a sack of potatoes.
What the great thing about getting dumped is that it’s probably one of the few ways that will bring about this crucial realization upon a man. That women and relationships will not solve his life. That he must solve his own life first. That he must solve his own problems, to get his own act together, and that no woman or relationship can do it for him.
And once he realizes this, it will cause him to strive to become more than he ever was.
He will solve his problems, pursue his dreams, become the best man he can possibly be, strengthen the bonds between his friends and himself and his family, in short, he will get his life in order FIRST. He will have effectively created his own world, one that he is happy living in, independent of women.
And the catalyst for this change in his life usually comes from the “I’ll show her what she’s missing out on” anger caused by the dumping, and while that’s great fuel to start with, it won’t last. What will happen next is that all that anger will morph into gratitude. As they see the life they envision in their mind becoming a reality before them, they become grateful for the breakup, grateful that she had broken his heart because if it were not for her, he would not have been so motivated to initiate such great change in his life.
When he does all this, women and relationships will take care of themselves. He will find women that will fit into the world he has created and they will flock toward him.
I’ve seen this happen so many times. A guy who thinks he has found the love of his life gets dumped and he gets super depressed but afterwards, realizes the problem was with him the entire time, that he was relying on the woman and the relationship to create a world of happiness, so instead, he works on himself and he gets his life in order and when he does, the ex always comes back, realizing what she has missed out on, not to mention a flock of other women.
So the focus should be not on the woman and the relationship so much as on yourself, to be the best person you can be, to invest in yourself and to not place your happiness and your world onto the woman and the relationship. To become more than you were before and to begin focusing on creating your own world, on improving your own life because when you do that, you start to naturally exhibit all the qualities that women desire – confidence, purpose, drive, ambition, etc.
Other guys will create their world based on the women and the relationship, and when the woman is gone, so is their world and they will have nothing to hold onto.
It’s important to focus on becoming the best person you can be and creating the life you want to live because by doing so, you will find a woman that will fit into your world naturally.
So let’s say for example, your passion lies in building houses for homeless people. You volunteer to work on projects not because you hope you will meet women there, but because that’s what you love to do. And as you start volunteering at these places, you will find someone who shares the same values as yourself, someone who can easily fit into your world and can easily share it with. It will all come about naturally as a result of you creating your ideal world and living in it.
What you’ll find is that most people will feel as if they’ve dodged a bullet after they got dumped because had they continued on with that relationship, they would never be at where they are today.
A man is usually at rock bottom from getting dumped, but the greatest thing about that is it gives him an opportunity to change his life.
It’s a great wake up call – to become more than you were before, to follow your dreams, and to create the world that you wish to live in, and to share it with the woman of your dreams.
